Mothers, Mothers-in-law and any other such kinds

How many mother-in-law, or mother jokes do you know. Or tell yourself? Or laugh at from others? There are articles, podcasts and memes about the horror of all horrors, "the mother-in-law". Very often portrayed as the dragon incarnate, overprotecting (usually her son) her children, interfering and giving unwanted advice. 

Then there are those that laud their mother-in-laws, love them for the relationship they share, find themselves gaining a 2nd mom and happily spending time with them. Where do you find yourself sitting in your relationship with your son and daughter-in-laws?

The reverse of course is that the MIL (work it out)can have the same dilemma. Are you loving and warm and helpful but have the son and/or daughter in-law from hell who only sees you as unable to snip the apron string, or do you have that warm and fuzzy person you longed to have?

MIL discussions and opinions are as old as the hills and they will always be a topic of conversation. 

I got lucky with my future DIL. We love each other and have a lot of fun when I visit and stay there. She is feisty and so am I. Which means we can disagree also. So it works. Sadly due to a serious job she is not able to come and visit us much at the coast. My son also got lucky with a warm, funny and loving future MIL. I shall ask my future DIL for a statement on my suitability 😀😀😀😀😀. She will tell you she loves my dancing skills and horrible accents but that I make great milktart and macaroni and cheese. 

I know from my parents that their in-law situation was great on the one side and tricky on the other. It makes life so difficult. 

I read an article on the plane last night in which it outlined the challenges - you don't want to let go completely or take control completely of a person and nor should you have to - both sides need to see that to make it work. 

As a MIL you always have to be watching the line between helping and interfering. When my mom visited us she washed dishes, tidied up a sideboard I never got to, folded the odd thing lying around and fiddled here and there. It was done with love and I so loved it.

I am the same. My son is busy with a 7 year degree at Tuks and his fiancé has a killer hour job as an Attorney. They leave early and return late. So when I was there I did everything I could to help. I would hate to come home in the evening and know that I must still take down or do washing, or fold the damn stuff or other little chores. No one wants to sweep at 9pm. I hope other moms realize that helping with everything you can when you visit from another Province like me, is saying "hey I have the time and you have so little of it" as opposed to "well obviously you are incapable of doing it so I will". As I only see them every few months I love to spoil them. Same with my daughter. She loves to wash dishes and sweep/mop but hates the whole laundry thing. Also she is at the restaurant 6 days a week. So I happily do load after load and fold for her. Why? Because I think she is lazy? No. Because when I visit I have the time to do it. With love. 

So young people - adults - older people - take advantage of your MIL if you have a good relationship. And MIL's - tell your SIL's and DIL's that free labour is great. 

In my case we mix all of this with coffee and eat out dates, watching series together on Netflix, card games and a helluva lot of laughing. 

What a blessing

till next time

c'est la vie xxx

The ink that binds us

 Letters. Photos. Postcards. 

Private mementos. Personal moments. Special memories. 

In my dad's drawers - in his office, in the drawers in the spare room, in his large filing cabinet, there are hundreds upon hundreds. 

And now, what to do? There are letters in their dozens that my grandmother wrote to my dad when he was in High School here in Pretoria, having moved with her from Germany when he started Gr 8 at Afrikaans Hoër Seunskool. Yes, a boy who spoke German and some English. Till today I do not understand the choice. However he stayed in Res, matriculated from there and remained a member of the Alumni forever. 

When my grandmother went back to Germany, she wrote hundreds of letters to him at school, and when he went to University to study to be a CA. 

Now we have boxes and boxes and boxes of airmail envelopes and telegrams from her to him. We even found a Telegram she sent him when he passed Matric. 

Now I do not have the head space to read them all, nor is it my business, but merely tipping them into a recycling bag feels so wrong. It is a whole life, a whole relationship between a mother and son - it cannot be tossed aside like it never existed. I would hate that. 

Then there are the photos - thousands of them. So on my next visit I am going to have to get dozens of recycling bags, sit down and go through them, keeping just the special ones.  That is the thing about the days when you handed in a film for developing - we have to open hundreds of plastic zip closed photo packets and these also included the blurred and useless photos that you discovered when you fetched your photos. 

Now that we are 80% packed up in the house (yes the big house with many bedrooms and studies is wonderful, but my parents (code for dad), filled every single available space). Packing up has been a spectacular event. We are left with those photos and letters, a closet of suits going to a charity organization and 5 full length garage cupboards filled with every paint, oil, garden fertilizer, screwdriver, tool, and everything else that Builders Warehouse stocks. Basically we have a Builders Warehouse in there. I mean it. It is mind-blowing. Most of the stuff must be tossed but as the Estate does not allow me to have a skip outside for 48 hours, and no dustbin bags besides those in the bin, where to throw it has become another dilemma. 

Nic regularly reminds me of the massive task that my sister and I have had to undertake and asks that Eug and I not cause the same for him and Jess 😂 At the moment the last of these tasks has fallen to me. A mission when you live in another province and have to make this part of your visits. I think if you live in the same province, it is easier as you can work every day until you are done. 

So me and my dad and mom's memories lie ahead - they are precious and are to be treasured. 

till soon 

c'est la vie