So that “Empty Nest Syndrome”.  How about it hey.  It comes.  If you have children it comes.  Sooner or later.  And mine has arrived.  Well sort of.  OK now that I think about it, it is 50/50 ish.  I had one child giving me ENS and the other one here.  Now the former is back for a while so it is a full nest.  For the moment.  So maybe it is more like “Last Child Out of School Syndrome”. So mine has not completely arrived.  How confusing.

Now I was expecting to fall down in a flood of tears and loneliness and confusion and regret and sadness and many other things as described by magazines.  And I didn’t.  Although there will be those that say I did.  I did way better than I thought.  And this is one of those things you can only fully fully fully understand when you have kids.  Who are now all finished in school.

I actually felt much sadder when my daughter finished Matric in 2013.  It was a “oh woe is me no more swimming galas, netball and hockey matches, no more Valentine’s Dances, no more this and that, no more Hospitality Studies dinners” etc etc.  Perhaps because she immediately after Matric went to a leading chefs academy, finished with flying colors and was nabbed by a top restaurant in CT and moved there 3 years ago.  During her studies it was chefs hours, including evenings, so she was not around like a Varsity student, she was there and when she came home late at night, she was too tired to chat before getting up the next morning and doing it all over again.  So her place in the nest was empty.  And suddenly my do our nails, watch chick programmes, tint our hair, girly type things buddy was gone.  Even in the time she was in CT, chefs have little to no time of their own, working from early morning to very very late at night, it was sometimes days before we talked on the phone.  Thank the Lord for Whatsapp.

She moved to CT and her and I spent lots of time crying on line.  Crying at the airport each time she managed to visit, which she could not in the first six months.  She did, as the top student, win a trip to the leading chefs academy in Parma, Italy where she went to spend a short time studying.  I never cried.  It was the opportunity of a lifetime.  But when she was in the Cape, I missed having her around.  I missed her bounce, her wit and everything that went with her.  Those that said “oh but luckily she did not move overseas” mmmmm when your child is not here and your only communication is phone and Whatsapp, it does not matter if they are 1600 or 16000 kilometers away.  And many of those with kids overseas or elsewhere in SA have been to see them there much more than I have been to CT.

So now my dear 18 year old finished Matric.  And suddenly after 17 years of driving to CBC Mount Edmund from Gr 0 to Matric for both of them in total, I was not going to drive to school in the mornings.  17 years is a long long time to drive to the same school with kids year in and out.  That is not a small adjustment.  After 17 years being an avid and very regular supporter of hockey, football, cricket and netball matches.  Swimming galas.  Speech festivals.  School productions.  Hotel evenings.  School meetings.  3 years as PTA Chairman, 3 years as Board Chairman, the making of 100’s of boerewors rolls at events, pouring tea, attending talks and supporting, it ended.  Then shortly after finishing his last exam my son got his licence.  Amazing how getting a car can make you perfect your driving and get a licence within 3 months of getting the car.  So now the dropping at indoor football, dropping at friends, dropping at malls and fetching everywhere is over.  Including some of the driving for Jess, as her and Nic are having a ball going places together and playing only their music.  So now it is feeling a bit more Empty Nest-ish.  Jess is home on a sabbatical from CT, plotting her next course and them two have spent the last 3 days in CT, packing up her part of her part of the apartment she shared, and putting her stuff into storage.  Thus two in the nest.  Sort of.  For now.

On 17 Jan Nic starts working at his beloved CBC where he has signed a one year contract offered to him as an Intern Teacher, in the Sports Department.  So he gets to do what he loves - sport - all day every day.  As a job.  In addition he will coach as he did in Matric, for the Soccer School of Excellence, where he both coaches and plays football.  He will live at home.  Score one for the nest!

Jess is taking up a short term experience after being offered a chance to manage a very popular coffee shop / bistro type place in Pretoria.  A wonderful opportunity to experience a bit of front of house and management as well.  Then it will be off to the formal chefs life again. She too is staying at home for now.  Score two for the nest!  And the laundry!

So now?  Whenever Nic tells me he is going somewhere, I immediately start planning my schedule around that .... what time to fetch, what time to drop.  So much to consider.  And then I realize he is simply giving me information.  I do not even have to pick up my car key.  Because he is going.  In his car.  Boom.

So now I have to make sure that he has fuel ... I always ask .... he always does.  I remind him when he leaves not to pull away from any major intersection robots without making double sure the cars in the opposite direction are not jumping the light.  For the first 4 times he left the house on his own in his own car, hubby and I stood on the driveway waving as if he was leaving on a road trip to the coast.  And then I came inside, lay on the couch and read my book.  Watched a series further.  Waited for the message to say he had arrived safely at Menlyn.  I will admit I felt a bit teary that there would be no more morning trips listening to the Pop Quiz on 94.7 and taking turn to be the DJ via the Aux cable.  But now we ride in his car and play DJ and sometimes they are still in my car ... when the family goes somewhere together, or to Mass or just out me and the kids.  Or adults as my friend reminds me.  I look at Jess and have to remind myself that she lived in CT for 3 years and lead her own life so now when she goes out I cannot be giving the 3rd degree x 12.

So it is all new.  Do I feel a tiny less useful.  No.  Do I seem to have less of an opportunity to give an opinion. Yes.  Do I feel like they do not need me any longer.  No.  Do I feel like we are losing some things in our relationship.  Yes.  But .... do I feel we are gaining many new things ... YES.

So.  They are here lying on the couch, playing board games, playing with the pets, making us laugh, playing FIFA, watching Box Office and Netflix, spending our money for now, having friends over to sleep and visit.  All the regular stuff.  And we still live together.  And we are family.  But now we are all adults.

Lord help us.

Love Lives Here.



Till soon
c’est la vie
Xxx