Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn

New beginnings are so important.  This is how we renew, reinvent, revive and reset ourselves.  These new beginnings do not always have to mean that you chuck up everything that you know and do and go off on a tangent finding yourself a new job, new car, new life and new address.  It does not have to be that complex. Just reset yourself where you are, in your current circumstances.

I recently wrote about my aversion to New Years’ Resolutions.  I also do not tie new beginnings to the 1 January deadline for starting.

Now my life had/has settled a bit again.  I stopped driving my daughter around when she finished studying and started working in CT.  I drove my son around right till Matric last year and after he got his licence last month, and got a car, he now gets himself around (but is not adverse to still sometimes riding with mom, or getting mom to ride with him).  So I started the year with nothing to worry about in the morning but me.  Getting up a bit later and driving to work behind the peak.  Lekker.  It did not last long.  My daughter took up a new job in Pretoria and after 3 years of Uber in CT she now has the mom-Uber going again.  So back to getting up really early and into the peak hour traffic to get her to work by 645am.  Simply because many people want breakfast and coffee at that time already.  A mom’s work is never really done.  That is a blessing.

However I still find myself with time.  I finish work at 430pm and suddenly I do not have to wait for Nic to finish at 515pm or later at school.  I no longer have any sports matches to watch, sometimes till 6pm.  I miss it.  However it does give me that extra time.  I am getting to blogging ideas even
more regularly.  I read even more than normal, which is a lot.  I am making work of my candle decorating.  I watch series. But you know what I do more than ever?  I Be.  I just Be. Yes I still have to run errands, drive in traffic, do laundry and a myriad of other things.  But I have taken a conscious decision that forthwith I will distance myself from that which sucks joy from me.  From liars - those that I ask a direct question of and they look me in the eyes and lie to my face.  People I hardly know, people I know well.  Same same.  I will distance myself from people who lie to me about serious stuff and little stuff but when I do something have that “you broke my trust” type of mentality.  I will distance myself from arrogant people.  If you like to tell everyone what to do all the time, but lash when you get called out, stay clear.  I will distance myself from people who do not return what I give in friendship.  If I do all the legwork, you will suddenly find that I Whatsapp less, chat less, care less. Friendships are a two way street.  And if you not prepared to meet me half way, then you are not the close friend you pretend to be.

That is one of the most awesome aspects.  How often do you do that?  I suddenly realized that I had filled every second of every day with something.  That is life.  It is what we do.  We balance wife, mother, employee and all our other titles.  All the time.  And every time we have a little break, we find the need to fill it.  And so I discovered Just Be.

It is a wonderful space of drinking coffee somewhere and just looking - at other people.  At cars passing.  At nothing.  Letting your mind run exactly where it wants to.  In that space I discovered the changes that have come this year.  Much more letting others be.  Much more letting others only so far into my space.  I commented to a friend this week that he is surprisingly letting a couple of people closer whilst I am shutting out.  That is the exact opposite of the kind of people we are.

I am careful with titles I give people like this is my “best ......” or this is my “closest .......” simply because I think we set ourselves up to get our hearts bashed.  Giving anyone that title can be soul destroying. And no, I am not jealous of people who wear these titles.  I let go of that concern.  It is such a lekker feeling.

So all of this?  Did it make me sad?  Did it make me depressed?  Did it make me have an anxiety attack, deepend, overreact or anything?  No ..... sometimes we just need someone to tell us that we are simply part of a very big picture and BOOM it explodes in our head like a big fat reality check.

It was a fantastic gift I realized soon after.  Because for the first time in two years it gave me the chance to say ..... Let Go.  Let God.  You be You.  I Be Me.  And a wonderful sense of the fact that I am ok.  I am kind and loyal and trustworthy.

And if you cannot see that, well let me take a line from Gone with the Wind - “Quite frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”.  Any longer.

What a wonderfully liberating attitude change this has been.

Till soon.  Be good to yourself.
C’est la vie xxxx