Dear Mr President

Dear Mr President ..... You had a palatial home built with more annextures than the average Medical Terminology Book.  You had every kind of unnecessary and lavish item there.  Most South Africans objected.  You chose to ignore them. 

Dear Mr President .... The Guptas came along and seemed to become the day to day managers of our country and politics.  They ruled like puppetmasters and did unusual little things .... like land a private plane at a military airport.  Most South Africans objected.  You chose to ignore them. 

Dear Mr President .... The Sudanese President, a war criminal, was allowed to leave SA despite a High Court order ...... You allowed it.  Most South Africans objected.  You chose to ignore them. 

Dear Mr President ..... Universities and Education Institutions across the country took to the streets in protest under the banner of #feesmustfall.  Did you go out into the community and address the situation?  No.  You were hardly ever seen 

Dear Mr President ..... At your Inauguration you said "I will devote myself to the well-being of the Republic and all its people" .... please remind me again how you have unfailingly attempted to live up to this statement

Dear Mr President .... On the same day you said "There should be no excuses for failure" but then spent a great deal of time making excuses for such - or blaming Apartheid

Dear Mr President .... you allowed many people in high places call the shots to you over the years - you defended them and allowed them to run many important institutions into the ground.  Most South Africans objected.  You ignored them. 

Dear Mr President - I excitedly voted for change and the end to the horrible Apartheid years that I had grown up in.  I saw great hope.  Why did you let me down?

Dear Mr President - on several occasions now I have watched on television how you conduct yourself during sessions of Parliament .... shrugging off questions, laughing at inappropriate moments and seemingly finding the promises you made at your inauguration to be completely inconsequential. Why did you let us down?

Dear Mr President - when Tshwane was going wild and our National Broadcaster was hiding it behind reports of missing dogs and other such dribble, where were you?

Dear Mr President - over the past years many many times on Twitter there were the comments - Your country is burning Mr President - do something.  Why did you ignore us?

Dear Mr President - The horror of Marikana etched itself in the memories of South Africans and the world. Did the Marikana Report find its way into the hands of the families affected? Why did you let them down?

Dear Mr President - a country got tired - of the promises - the lack of delivery on them - the spiralling of unemployment and service, the corruption, the excuses.

Dear Mr President - a country went to the polls last week

Dear Mr President - a country spoke up. And it said "no more". 

The handbag. The church bell. Those embarrassing moments.

The 10 am Mass is currently on.  I should be in it.  I was.  At least for a very short time. And then it went pear shaped. 

I opened the Repository from 9 to 10 am as usual.  It was going well.  Great filter coffee, lovely customers, new floors, everyone likes the new layout of Repository and all was sunshine and happy Sunday morning.  

Two customers stayed after 10 am and as we were chatting about items in the Repository and WYD, the time ticked on and I only ran across the road at 10:10 ... this sometimes happens when I still have customers. Also there was a problem with an overflowing Jojo tank pointed out to me by several parishioners, which required me to make a call after 10:00 to someone. It could not wait.  And the Repository is my Ministry. 

Not wanting to walk into the church so late, and with the cry chapel being full, I circled the church, entered from the other side by the Sacristy and stood quietly in the passage at the back of the church.  It was still going well.  I listened to the Homily and decided I would stay where I was.  Nic was altar serving alone and all was still well. 

Until then ..... 

Hearing the Sacristy door open behind me, I turned to see who was in there in the middle of the Mass.  Two things happened simultaneously.  I saw one of the young counting guys walk out and in the swing around I hit the church bell with my handbag.  It rings once to signal the beginning of Mass and the entrance of the Priest, Altar servers, Readers etc. 

It rang 4 times.  The young guy snorted and ran back into the Sacristy..... I was paralysed with embarrassment and while it was still ringing ... and with 409 parishioners who had swung around ... I turned and ran into the Sacristy behind him. 

I wished in that moment that I was a visiting Catholic that would not be at this parish again. Or a completely unknown parishioner.  Or invisible.  But no, I have to be the parish secretary. 

Now in the big scheme of things this is not a catastrophic issue.  The bell rang.  It was a mistake.  And yes, out of nerves and being so red faced I could not stop laughing ... nor could the youngster.  Luckily out of sight. 

I went outside to the grotto.  Sat with the statue of Mary.  Prayed and apologised profusely. 

Now I am in my office.  Waiting for Mass to end.  So that I can tell my son that those bells .... it was his mom. 

Apologies to anyone who may be grossly offended.  There are worse things that could have happened. 

c'est la vie .... such is my life. 

Till soon 
xxxxx

A million Catholics at WYD. But also millions who are not.

The media is full of World Youth Day in Poland.  A massive gathering of Young Catholics *and the not so young* to spend time together examining their Faith, interacting with other young people, visiting churches and other landmarks, attending Masses and of course the very wonderful opportunity to actually see the Pope, up close (or as close as you can get with a million people) and personal.

Much attention and photographs have been published on social media about this - flags, excitement and a mutual bond of Catholicism.  Many comments have been published about how this massive group of dedicated young people intend to carry this message forward and live it out when they return to their respective countries and parishes.  Will everyone do this - no.  However one hopes that the majority do.

What has concerned me somewhat is the amount of emphasis on only this group when talking about the time to come, and I have even read 4 different articles / opinions over the past week which seem to indicate that the young Catholics who are dedicated to their Faith and active in their parishes are somehow restricted to those who made this trip.  Many young people were fortunate that they, or their parents, or a sponsor, were able to fund the huge amount *especially for South Africans* to attend. Many others were chosen because of their involvement in the various youth activities and other in their parish ... and rightly so.

However perhaps thought must also be given to the other Youth who could not afford to go, or did not make the cut ..... numbers are limited ... parishes have budgets ..... and please understand that I get that.  It is a bit like prefects.  Many awesome people do not make it, it is a numbers game.

But to prevent a "us and them" when kids return worldwide, it is important that those that went take cognisance of those that didn't.  That they are still collectively a group, that together they need to carry the Faith and messages forward, collectively they are a generation.  Feedback is needed from those who attended, so that collectively they learn.

I am sure some will be offended by my thoughts on this. Please know this is not an attack on those that went, but simply comments about focus of media.  But this is my forum.  And as the blog is named .... c'est la vie


till soon
xxxx

cloudy waters washing over me

In Afrikaans there is a wonderful phrase "troebel waters" ..... cloudy, murky, turbulent ..... those are the waters I find myself in this week.  Unchartered waters - I feel like a lone person in a lifeboat being whacked from one side to the other by wave after wave after wave after wave of not entirely getting stuff right. 

I have always been a strong swimmer - a direct description of a person who can take the multitude of days that come your way .... great, mediocre or just downright crappy.  This week I have felt stuck in doggy paddling - two steps forward .... then 9 to the right and 109 backwards. 

Everyone seems to have a theory about why I am so uncertain, so confidence-less (yes I know that is not a word) - Sadly not one of them have it right.  Mainly because no-one has actually asked in depth.  And by asking you have to accept my answer.  And listen. And not judge. 

I have walked the road flat across to the Adoration Chapel where I have debated, questioned, demanded and laid bare my "troebel waters".  A colleague of mine very kindly sent a note on Monday afternoon to say that she was worried as I did not look ok.  I was touched, she sees me only for an hour or two a week.  No judgement.  Just are you ok. Sometimes people do not ask.  They decide what your attitude is and then react accordingly.  Often they have it so wrong.  Perhaps we need to ask first before we react. Be gentle.

Today at work I did a very tiny thing for someone ..... simply a part of my job.  But to them it was a huge thing at a very sad time in their lives.  She called me a rockstar.  It made me smile.  And then a short while later, in the afternoon, I doubted it.  Because when you have what a friend of mine once called in his blog "grit in your eyes", thrown in your eyes, you get blinded by it and lose all ability to see yourself. 

Instead you simply get lost in a cloud of doubt, tears, second guessing every task and a deep sense of being lost. 

This too shall pass. 

It has to. 

till soon 
c'est la vie 
xxx

Be the parish secretary. Go on I dare you.

Parish Secretary.  Now to many people those 2 words conjure up the image of a retired lady, in twinset and pearls (and I mean no offence to either retired ladies or twinsets and pearls), sitting in the office for a few hours a day, answering the seldom ringing phone, making the odd cup of tea for the priest, filing a handful of documents a week and crocheting and reading to fill the rest of the hours.  That I believe is how most people think the advert for such a post would read.

Now I do not know every Parish Secretary that there is.  I do not know if the opposite of the above is unique to very large parishes only.  Or to parishes like mine that are vibrant and alive and have dozens of interest groups, ministries, support groups and other things like perpetual adoration, a massive catechism group, young adult group, youth group, bible study, parish council, articles in publications, soup kitchen, Lifeline and on and on and on.  

Busy parish = Busy priest = Busy secretary.  

I opened this blog with the perceived parish secretary definition.  I do not think anyone in our parish (unless you are not paying attention) thinks that is what our secretary (me for those who are not keeping up) does.

Correctly stated it would read as follows should anyone want to advertise for another secretary here in the future:

Parish Secretary:  one person with 6 ears and 10 hands needed.  Able to have a conversation on the phone whilst simultaneously listening to the person standing opposite them and the priest asking them something.  Must be able to type, file, answer the phone as well as their cellphone at the same time (both calls will be work related – guaranteed), make good tea and coffee.  Must be of a sleuth level equal to Sherlock Holmes and must be able to source anything from missing wedding records of 1973 to companies that remove bees, a good price for gas cylinder refills, the name of a parishioner who attended Mass last Sunday and sat in the 4^th row, 9^th from the right and the barrage of questions including such as “does the Priest have to be present at Confession” and “Why did the Priest replace the Our Father with something else on Sunday" (he didn’t – ever).  Be able to handle people who are awesome, friendly, rude, demanding, uncooperative, grieving, hysterical, laughing, chatting, warm, comforting, kind or needing something.  Must be able to discern when people simply want to talk and unpack on someone (my Lifeline Counselling training has stood me in good stead).  

Must be able to run the very full diary of a very busy and involved priest who also has a radio show, a newspaper column and a plethora of committees and other that must be attended to in addition to a very big parish.  Must have the discernment to ensure that meetings are spaced according to the time the PS (parish secretary) deems will be suitable for the priest, dependent on the reason for the meeting/counselling/preparation/blessing etc.  PS must be completely knowledgeable with the Home Affairs as well as the Catholic Church requirements for marriage and must ensure that the file of documents for each one of the normally 30 a year are handled correctly. All bridal couples will not be equally easy and patience (even sometimes counting to 100) is required.  She must be able to complete all the documentation – marriage certificates and Home Affairs register and ensure that she has everything for the Priest to register the marriage.  PS also needs to know all the rules and requirements of Baptisms, married couples, unmarried couples, one parent not Catholic, needs of Godparents and must be able to spot and draw to the attention of the boss (aka Priest) any possible problems when the forms cross her desk.  Especially in a parish with 25 Baptisms a year.  A good working knowledge of annulment is a strong advantage to be able to ensure that documents are correctly filed and to know what is needed in terms of a 2^nd marriage. 

The PS must be sound in the areas of bookkeeping and be able to correctly identify the correct department costing for all documents before handing to the Accountant.  Must be able to run a tight petty cash as well as any other areas where she is accountable for money.  In the case of our parish, being able to administer and control 500 niches in the Garden of Remembrance, all the proofs and final manufacturing of plaques, the liaising between office and families of the wording etc, sometimes looking after Ashes, the arrangements for blessing and placing of Ashes.  Again as a major part of this parish, this is a big job and requires tact and understanding as those you work with are often fragile.  Or feuding families.  The PS should be able to find every Baptism, Wedding, Death and Confirmation record of every person since 1967.  This will be tested often.  When people incorrectly think they were Baptised at your church, when in fact they were not, the PS needs to be able to smile whilst muttering on the inside at the waste of time searching for entries.

PS must be well spoken in at least 2 languages, must have grammar and spelling that is far above average and an ability to write – articles or anything, is a great advantage.  In addition she must be available all the time.  Before and after work – calls will start at 630am some days and the last requests / instructions from parishioners will often end after 9pm. 

PS must be as comfortable talking to the Archbishop as she is out shopping for dishliquid and toilet paper.  Diversity is the order of the day and any expectation of any 2 days being the same is non-exist.

She must be able to find priests to stand in for Masses or help at Confessions and having 14 priests on speed-dial who know you well (and like you) is a distinct advantage.

Confidentiality is key, people very often bare their souls in the priests’ office and even reception.  High levels of integrity are needed.  As are patience, empathy, generosity, humour, humour, humour, friendliness, warmth and yes, sometimes a stern voice when taken for granted by those whom you actually serve.  In addition, PS needs to be able to fill candles on a table one minute, write the bulletin the next, deal with the pile of mass intentions and see they are properly placed on the next .... she must be a master of removing paper jams in the copier (normally caused by the boss), repairing the plug of the kettle if needed and filling the fountain.  A working knowledge of labour laws to do with contracts, leave records and other staff matters is also a distinct advantage.

PS must like to drive.  It will be required. Finally an ability to read the boss' mind and try and stay one step ahead is a big plus.

So ….. for anyone who ever wondered what I do every day.  Or what this parish secretary does.  Or how we can possibly be so busy in the office Fr Chris and I.  There it is.

Read Fr Chris’ comprehensive article about 5 weeks ago which was published in the Southern Cross newspaper as his regular column.  You will be amazed to read the intense workload of a priest.  Then read my article above. 

 I do not have time to put pearls on – I barely have time for lipstick.

Welcome to the world of a parish priest and parish secretary.  It will never be dull – you have my word.

Busy priest = Busy secretary. We are a perfect match and that is a blessing.

I would not have it any other way.  

Till soon 

c'est la vie xxx

best self. better self. what a disaster. wisdom from a nun.

Two weeks ago I commented to a friend that when I come back in my second life, I want to be a nun.  She asked why but the answer was complex .... and has nothing to do with my unbelievably awesome hubby and kids, but much more to do with a striving for excellence, compassion, kindness, near perfection and everything else that seems to come to mind when I see these ladies.  And yes, I speak to nuns regularly in my job. And yes they laugh if I say I strive to be as perfect. 

It took me longer to get my friend to stop laughing than it did to complete my nun explanation.  I do agree that when looking and listening to me, nun is not at the forefront of your mind.  Admit it. 

But yesterday I thought a lot about nuns again, because I spoke to one twice on the phone this week, and having spent time with several nuns on a social level over the last two years, I know to be true the fact that they too are striving .... to be compassionate, to be kind, to be doing the right thing ..... 

Our parish priest, as you know, had the most impact on me the day he spoke to us, a while ago already, about always trying to be "our best selves" or "our better selves".  Now let me put it out there ..... I appear to really suck at this.  I actually thought I was spending 75 percent of my life making progress at "better self" and 25 % failing dismally.  I do not know how my fellow parishioners feel they are doing - but I seem to always have either one or both my feet in it.  

I have a nun on email .... who is not a local one, which makes it better for frank discussion. I have asked myself repeatedly this week if it so hard for them as well.  She asked me what "them" encompasses.  "People like you, who God chooses for their job", I told her.  It elicited quite a chuckle over the email lines.  "Did God not choose you for your job", she asked me.  That part was easy - anyone who knows even a tiny bit about me knows that the one thing I love ridiculously much in life is my job - to have worked with people when they are getting married, having babies, saying goodbye to loved ones, placing Ashes, I get to touch their lives in a tiny tiny tiny way, but I have come to really love being with the parishioners and they shower me with love in return.  But this was not my question.  My question was is it much easier for her to be her "better self" all the time.  Is it just lay people who fail. 

Her answer came in capitals - NO.  "We make mistakes, many of them, we speak too fast, we judge too quickly, we apologise too slowly, we pray too much, we pray too little" ... it was a long list.  "Anyone who deems themselves as never failing certainly has quite the opinion of themselves" .... I wish I could let you hear what must be the accent she speaks with. 

She was extraordinarily real.  It was like speaking to Lifeline except that no-one knew me. 

But she heard me.  She understood that I want to be understood.  That I am not going to get it right every day.  At least I am prepared to admit that.  Many won't.  I will not always pray enough, say the right words all the time, judge slowly, speak the words people want to hear. But she says, that makes me human.  She also asked me to write down the names of 3 people who seem to get it right most of the time.  "Not names of people who they themselves think are above this theory, names of people that YOU think are getting it right". The 3 names obviously meant nothing to her since she did not know any of them, but an interesting analysis followed.  That is between her and me.  

But I will try.  Every day.   Because I do not want to have to start every 2nd sentence with Sorry. 

Right at the end of our chat I realised that some will always sit in judgement.  And others will always be judged.   And very often the latter, is the one trying harder. 

She chuckled, "well then, do you not think that the judged is more successful at trying to be their best self than the person sitting in judgement?" - I love email - you always get the wording right when you repeat it. 

Wisdom in a habit.  

I am going to aim for 40 % success in better self this week.  Swift to bless, slow to chide. Which means I should come in around 28.2%

When you are mad at someone - write their good traits in column A and their bad traits in column B ...... A usually far exceeds B.  But then, before you go further, how about writing down your good traits in column A and bad traits in column B .... still being your best self?

Can you see me chuckling? Trying to work out who can honestly say yes. 

What are you going to strive for this week? 

till soon 
c'est la vie 

50 kinds of gorgeous papers. what a lot of love.

Many of you do know that when I turned 50 in January, my daughter turned 21, and came home from Cape Town for our joint celebration.  When she left to go home, and I returned from the airport, there was a glass jar on the dining room table.  Beautifully and colorfully decorated .... and marked in front in silver koki ... "50 Things About You".  My Jess had decorated this jar and inside were 50 slips of folded paper, to be opened and read one at a time whenever I felt like it.  And on each of the 50 papers she had written some memory - funny, poignant ... whatever, that she had of me. 

Friends have asked me what kind of things these slips said .... which I read out to my hubby and son, much to their amusement.  So here are the ones I have already opened - you will learn something about me .... and share in my joy at the same time. If you think you know me really well ... did you know all this? So ... as written by my daughter to me -

1. One word "crispy" - you sometimes forget things on the stove
2. You have such a beautiful handwriting ... you often start a form all perfectly in the beginning and then towards the end you are scribbling
3. You are now 50 years old and becoming part of the penshie club (pensioners) so you do not have to feel bad about getting pensioner discount (which a supermarket offered me at the tills when I was 45)
4. You constantly check up on me, even though I live in CT, and you still "mom" me
5. You are glitter and bling mad
6. Saying to us you are "3 mins away" from where you must fetch us ... but we hear the dogs barking at our home
7. You still think skinny dipping is ok - which it isn't
8. We love you even though we know that you DO cut your own fringe
9. You try and "guilt trip mom" us sometimes 
10. You make the best ever mac 'n cheese
11. You take us on spontaneous trips to Mc Donalds at 11pm for Mc Flurries - in our pyjamas
12. You ALWAYS manage to mess on your top when you eat - always
13. You throw your whole heart into everything you do 
14. You taught me about hygiene and taking good care of myself from a very young age
15. You own a 1000 different pens, but use the same 3 every day at work till they are finished
16. One day you accidentally waxed my entire eyebrow off mom #enoughsaid
17. You know the absolute true meaning of sacrifice
18. You buy a Beeld every day, without fail, for 30 years
19. You make the BEST chip dip
20. Remember the endless soapies we watched since I was small like Ally Mc Beal, Fraser, 7de Laan and Isidingo (I still watch the latter after 15 years - K)
21. For the endless speeches you helped me write and listened to over and over and over again
22. When you pour something cold in a glass, you fill it, immediately drink half, and top it up
23. You grab any glass at the basin when you want water
24. You get irritated by dogs barking, even if they are 5km away
25. You cannot go to the movies without a regular popcorn and a LARGE slush puppy
26. You had Alvin and the Chipmunks as a ringtone a couple of years ago
27. We have a fun family "gang sign" like The Force be With You.  You cannot do it with your fingers
28. You cannot drink or read anything unless you have established where the middle of the cup/glass/book/mag is
29. You took Zumba classes with me in your late 40's and really shook it up
30. You wrinkle your nose up when you laugh
31. You randomly bust loose with your own songs and raps - loudly
32. Before you eat a bowl of icecream you add 100's and 1000's and 5 other types of Nicoletta toppings - stars, silver balls, choc bits
33. You are so brave - more than you can ever realise
34. You are a pro at hair buns for ballet and getting the hair perfectly smooth
35. You are so completely centered in your Faith and such an example to us with this
36. You were at almost every soccer match, hockey match, cricket match, netball match, swimming gala etc when we grew up - and we loved it 

And so I still have 14 to open.  So what did you learn about me that you never knew? 

till soon 

c'est la vie 

xxx