Tuesday, 16 September 2014

the secrets we keep for others

How far would you go to protect a secret of someone else? 

"What kind of secret" is going to be your immediate answer I think. 

Because there are so many of them.  I have been reading a lot on this subject lately as I have been pondering over the weeks.  I seem to ponder all kinds of stuff lately.

Secrets that are quite trivial but someone wants to keep it under wraps.  Secrets to do with life-changing decisions, secrets that will shatter lives, secrets that will end careers, secrets about childhood, secrets about adulthood, secrets about behaviour, big ones, small ones and many many other types. 

So ..... what would you be able to hold, and what not?  I am not talking about anything mindblowingly illegal .... but I wonder about secrets that have major effects on people's lives .... secrets they live with.  And thus so do you.  

I find myself pondering this .... because I think that you need to ask yourself what relevance the person has in your life, would they even acknowledge and appreciate what you are doing (because that is important), is it illegal (then I am out and will say so directly), is the person aware that you are carrying it?  One of the biggest things I think you need to ask yourself is why you are prepared to do this and most importantly if you agree to keeping it, or keep it in silence without them realising .... can you do so for good.  Through arguments and fall outs. Whether you see each other all the time, or not at all.  Can you keep it when the person perhaps treats you dismissively and not use it as a weapon then? Or out of anger. Or hurt.  

Perhaps secrets are about deep compassion and understanding for someone else.  Perhaps the secret is one that is justified to you.  . Or fear of recrimination.  Perhaps you keep it for friendship.  Or love.  Or pity.  Or fear. The reasons are endless.  Perhaps you keep it for family.  For friends.  Perhaps you keep it in the hopes of someone caring for you as you do for them. Perhaps you do it out of loyalty.  Or stupidity.  What if you find out that the secret is not so secret ..... 

Ponder on this dear readers, ponder. 

“People always knew more than you gave them credit for. Perhaps, in the end, no one had any secrets at all.” 
― Paul RussellThe Coming Storm

Me?  If I give you my word, then you have my word.  And if I give my word silently without you acknowledging it, then still I give my word.  Even if it is out of nothing else than loyalty.  

till soon 
c'est la vie xx




Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Bullying for grown ups

Bullying.
We all know it, have done it, been party to it or suffered under it.
We tend to associate bullying with school ... and thug like behaviour ..  those who hold the perceived power towering over the bullied person, whether verbally or physically.
And then you leave school and live happily ever after right?

Wrong.

Adulthood brings a new playing field.  There is an extension to the bullying roster ... a game that I am sometimes prone to being a victim of ..... mind games.

An older friend of mine, a counselling expert with wheelbarrows of experience, was happy to meet me for cappuccinos a short while ago, in the hope of helping me - I wanted to explore this topic in the hope that my questions would find answers.


People have strange habits and "almal het hulle nukke" but the answers I received that morning were interesting .... I was told that mind games are one of the foremost adult bullying tactics.  It manifests itself in people who deliberately express themselves or say things (or deliberately not say things) only having one goal in sight ... to hurt the person in their sights.  Because this makes them in some way feel good and gives them a feeling of power.  And I am talking about adults doing this to other adults.

She was not able to clear up for me why human beings desire to do this.

So what now?  Bullies must be stood up to ... so next time someone aims at you ... tell them they have achieved a bullseye in the "hurt you department" ... and ask them if they truly feel great now.

Even clap if you need too.

Till soon
c'est la vie










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