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Showing posts from February, 2016

my fountain. the water. God. prayer. i close my eyes.

I am amazed at what joy the fountain outside my office door is giving me.

A round pond with three layers perched atop of it and a gurgling spout of water coming out the top. That fountain has become a complete part of my day.  At first when it arrived I heard nothing else but that water falling from level to level.  Now it has become like a "white noise" - I hear it all the time and it is like breathing.  But when it stops for a second that is when I notice it immediately.  But I always get it going straight away again.

I can stare at it unendingly and every time I find myself having to pause, or tired or irritated beyond hell or sad or whatever ...... then I just stare at it. Even when I am having a joyous day.  That fountain is my happy space.  I have been known to splash water from level to level and love teasing the dog with the spray from the borehole hosepipe when we fill it.

Suddenly that fountain has started to remind me of my relationship with God.  I gave this a l…

Learn to Pause. Else nothing worthwhile will catch up to you. A silent retreat.

Sediba Retreat Centre.  Silence.  A retreat in silence.  A time when you, by choice, spend the better part of a Sunday listening.  Hearing.  Feeling.  Discovering.  Praying.  With silence in your head.  And heart.  I write this during our lunch pause. 

The less than 45 minute drive from Pretoria to the Dam is easy to make.  Once up the hill in Meerhof, on a winding road surrounded by bush, you find the Centre, overlooking the beautiful dam.  During the initial 20 minute meet up and coffee session you get to say hello, make new friends, eat the scones (with a story attached) and get a feel of what lies ahead. 

The morning has 4 silent sessions of 25 minutes each.  The meditation room reminded me of those seen in a movie ... slightly elevated off the ground - wooden floor, natural lighting only, plenty of big slatted doors fully opened to allow in the sound of nature, candles, the beautiful view and the heat.  There are cushions, blankets and little neat yoga type mattresses available in …

Adult bullies. Narcissists. Call them what you like.

I wrote a blog on Sunday evening and then this one last night - I am placing them in reverse order .....

Adult bullies.  Yip you get them. 

It's usually defined as behaviour that is repeated and intended to hurt someone either physically or emotionally.  It is the latter one I refer to.

I returned and looked for and re-read in a friend's book recently a chapter about Personality Disorders and especially Narcissism.  It was an interesting read because I looked at it with different eyes this time around. 

I am always sensitive to bullying, because it took me such a very long time to recognize and acknowledge them for what they are.  

And particularly during this Lenten period I am having greater challenges than normal to understand why someone will willingly and knowingly choose to make others feel "lesser", thereby making themselves feel powerful.  Why you will be happy to never tell others (not everyone, just hand picked ones) that they are important.  Our Priest teaches …

irritating little things

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So what irritates you?  I do not mean the big major things that happen daily in our country and our world which may be unfair / inappropriate / disappointing and annoying to you - I mean the mundane every day things - what really gets under your skin and turns you from zero to 100 in a millisecond? 


Not being greeted.  By cashiers.  In my office, when someone walks in, I am the one offering the service.  So I greet.  Nicely.  With a smile (mostly).  And when it is a crap day - I still greet and do my utmost not to grimace - because that is my job.  1 in 4 supermarket cashiers do not get this.  And I seem to attract that 1.  It is always the same pattern.  I step up to the counter, the cashier either says nothing, makes no eye contact or is extending a hand blindly to find my items whilst having a very animated conversation with the packer, who is after all the one who deserves her attention, not the customer.  The only thing that riles me more at that moment is when that one word "…

giving our kids wings - and wanting to clip them at the same time

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So lately a lot of people have been waving their daughters goodbye at the airport.  First a year ago Jess took up a fantastic position in CT as a professional chef.  Then my BFF's daughter moved to Kazakhstan several weeks ago to be with her fiance'.  Yesterday a close friend of mine bid her daughter farewell as she moved to the UK to chase a future there.  

So many moms and daughters.  So many dads and daughters.  So many siblings bidding each other farewell at airports. 

Which made me think of the saying which goes roughly like we give our kids roots to grow and then we give them wings to fly.  That sucks.  The roots to grow bit is fun ... they around all the time, even when they drive you crazy sometimes.  Then the wings to fly part comes - great sentiment ... awful feeling. We want them to fly, but would prefer it if they do it within a 20km radius of their childhood home. 

When I commented to my hubby that at least our child was still in SA, he wisely replied that it does no…

prayer. giving. pause. just love me.

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So Lent has arrived.  Sooner rather than later this year.  We hardly seem to be over Christmas and New Year and boom we are into this part of our lives. 

A friend asked me last year if Lent is made more difficult for me because I work for a Priest, and thus "do I feel that mine has to be perfect".

Allow me to step away from my blog for a moment .  whahahaha haahahahahahah whahahahahahahahahahahaha haha hahahaha heheheheheheheh whahahahahaha. 

OK I am back. 

Short answer No. 

Is anyone's Lent perfect, including Priests? 

Short answer - I think not.  Lent is not a competition.  I do not get allocated marks for mine. It is an effort we make.  And we falter.  Because we are human. 

There are no perfect Lents.  In fact there are no perfect anythings.  God does not expect that from us.  Lent is not a test at which one has to obtain a perfect 10 score.  Lent for me is a trip .... a pause ...... a slowing down.  We pray more, give more, fast more.  It is a time of reflection .... and q…

4 cars. 3 colours. and a confused driver

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So I have really had to focus over the past weeks when it came to vehicles.  

I am the permanent driver of a VW Polo sedan.  In white. 

Then I had an accident and it seemed it would be the demise of that poor car which was only 2 years old.  

The insurance then set me up with a car whilst they did their thing.  That decision was to spend R75000 fixing the car as opposed to having to pay out a biggish amount for it.  

The hire car was an Etios.  In white. 

Now this proved challenging.  I drive a lot.  Every day.  And me and the Polo had bonded.  Well.  I knew him (Marco) ... yes the Polo was called Marco, as in the pool game ... Marco .... Polo ..... Marco .... Polo ..... some of you are obviously going to have no idea what the hell I am talking about.  I knew Marco, and he knew me.  Now suddenly I had to remember that I had an Etios.  Also white. I came out of the Mr Price Home Store, into the parking, stood next to the car and pushed the remote.  "What are you doing?" a lady ask…