Monday, 3 July 2017

Gentle words, kindness, niceness and other challenges

So this thing about being nice, or as our Priest so sweetly reminded us a few weeks ago - being gentle with our words. 

Pfffft.  So easy to say. Let he or she who manages this all the time, please stand.  Oh look, we are all sitting. 

So I am driving from school to work and on the single lane road that crosses the bridge en route, a road that is choc-a-block, the taxis do their usual thing of riding on the side of the lane and then shoving themselves in front (I have ridden this route for 4 years now) .... I do not mean one or two taxis, I mean ten or fifteen taxis driving bumper to bumper.  I used to get supremely heated, even now and then moving my car slightly into that lane to prevent them from doing so.  It does not bother them, only me, so I have been practicing to simply, when the road narrows, allow the taxi that is at that moment 2 cm ahead of me, but on my left, to slide in in front of me.  I even flash my lights and say come across.  Because I support simply breaking the rules of the road?  No, because I support staying sane and trying not to swear like a sailor at 715 am in the morning.  So he is happy because he can race ahead, and I am calm - gentle with my words. 

Now particularly over the last 3 weeks, and starting with a discussion with someone I know, I have realised that being nice (and loyal and having some people's backs), is maybe equal to just being stupid.  Simply because when you are like that you get ridden over roughshod and often find that you make most of the effort in some relationships. A sort of well you are nice to have and very convenient to have around, but hey, you do all the work in the relationship Karin, I will just be present.  Use your words!  Now I have found myself, as I said, in the last 3 weeks becoming increasingly irritable about this issue and despite having addressed some issues head on, the result was a 4 day improvement and then the status quo resumed.  So - do I play nicely, speak nicely, doormat nicely, or do I say (in a gentle and loving tone, using nice gentle words) - if you want me in your life, best you step up.  Nothing worse than watching someone lavish attention on some, but not on those who deserve it. Use your words please!! 

No - actually I cannot address it - nice words fail me.  This one will require more work. 

What about in your office?  Being gentle can fail us there.  We get tested and tried and all too often it is easy to lash out at those who cross our doorstep, sigh and roll eyes in certain instances, when we could actually practice the pause and answer in a more gentle manner. To those we work with, work for and in serving others.  We need to lead by example in our words.  All of us. In all fields of work. 

And so it goes with friends, family, colleagues, associates, acquaintances and so on and so on.  

I have realised that I, like most, have to continue to practice the pause, the 1 2 3, before we answer, retaliate or react.  It is so easy to take our moods out, not on the person who caused the mood in the first place, but on the persons who least deserve it. 

Pause, pause and more pause. 

Oh was it simply to easy. 

Chat soon again .... be gentle on yourselves and others 

c'est la vie 

Okay so lets move to another province

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