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Showing posts from 2017

depression - "just get over it" - and other stupidities

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Do you have a friend who suffers from depression?

Not?

Then you are not paying attention.

Research is stating more and more often that in every one of our friendship / family circles there is at least one person who does. 

Either it is openly known or seen, or carefully hidden by that person.  

Depression is an illness.  It is not a choice like what movie to see, what day to go to the dentist, what colour top to put on or whether or not to have a 2nd cup of coffee.  

Depression does not jump up and wave a large flag in your face when it is about to swoop. It is either there all the time, or sidles up to you every now and then, usually without warning, visits for a while and then slithers off.  You do not get to choose, it is not like a hotel booking where you say "five nights please". 

When diagnosed with any other serious illness, people would normally find themselves treated with great sympathy and genuine caring.  The person who has the sickness did not ask for it, and has to li…

professional purpose - so what is your daily work mantra?

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When someone asks you what you do, what do you say?

Do you give them your official job title, do you give them an informal reference to what your job is, do you describe your tasks and leave your job title open or do you simply shrug and mutter something about your job, making yourself sound as irrelevant as possible?

I read an interesting article recently, via Twitter and that got me thinking about the above. 

How do YOU see you, in your job.  Because how we see ourselves can either be better or worse, or sometimes exactly like others see us. 

That brings me to the point of professional purpose.  S Poswolsky says that in work we should learn our purpose, instead of just trying to find it.  Your job may have general definitions of what you are supposed to do.  And you could spend years trying to find your purpose in the what and why of your job and those definitions.  He has a strong point in saying that you should learn your purpose .... in your more defined tasks, ask yourself, "wh…

Gentle words, kindness, niceness and other challenges

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So this thing about being nice, or as our Priest so sweetly reminded us a few weeks ago - being gentle with our words. 

Pfffft.  So easy to say. Let he or she who manages this all the time, please stand.  Oh look, we are all sitting. 

So I am driving from school to work and on the single lane road that crosses the bridge en route, a road that is choc-a-block, the taxis do their usual thing of riding on the side of the lane and then shoving themselves in front (I have ridden this route for 4 years now) .... I do not mean one or two taxis, I mean ten or fifteen taxis driving bumper to bumper.  I used to get supremely heated, even now and then moving my car slightly into that lane to prevent them from doing so.  It does not bother them, only me, so I have been practicing to simply, when the road narrows, allow the taxi that is at that moment 2 cm ahead of me, but on my left, to slide in in front of me.  I even flash my lights and say come across.  Because I support simply breaking the rule…

All in, Donkey from Shrek, Balls to the Wall and other such notions

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So it seems that I am multi-limbed, multiple personalities and a multi-tasker that needs more than one body to deal with it all. Fantastic hey?

How the hell did I get here?  

It appears there is sometimes a lot to be said for people who do just what they have to, nothing more and nothing less (or even sometimes less, if they can get away with it).  I however have not been given that gene or that personality trait or characteristic or whatever it is called.  Perhaps the title should be sometimes a sucker.

I cannot be that, nor do I want to, but good grief the habit of balls-to-the-wall (not possible but such a fabulous phrase), take whatever you heap on me, get involved, get things done, can sometimes be a piece of concrete around one's neck.  

Please, this is an observation, not a complaint, before anyone gets all twisted and hysterical.  

My darling son, he of the dry sense of humour, whilst shopping for festively coloured plastic tables and chairs for little people in our "Sunda…

the boot contents, the variety and the mobile Makro

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Let's talk about boots. 

No actually, let's talk about my boot. 

Now personally I have issues with people with empty boots.  That is freaky .... like you keeping the space open should you have to transport a body wrapped in a carpet or a large piece of furniture.  

That empty boot, with all your tools and stuff under the carpet.  And nothing on top. Weird. 

Now my hubby and son and one other friend (weird how they all guys hey) have told me (rather smugly) that my boot looks like a branch of Makro.  Personally I think that is a bit of an exaggeration.  Life happens.  And the boot content grows. 

Every other week I take my car to the car wash for that just short of a valet wash.  When I approach I already see the car wash staff, who do the inside of the vehicle and the boot, playing ching chong chi for who does mine.  It is not a game they wish to win. 

On that morning, I do empty my boot.  I either unpack it at home or into the spare garage at work.  It takes about 30 minutes.  I fi…

the sea, the body surfing and that costume

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The beach.
Brings images to mind of vast areas of golden sand. The smell of coconut suntan oil, the sea and the vision of toned bodies, splayed on beach towels, soaking up the sun whilst buff speedo clad men run along the sea edge, eliciting sighs from women of all ages ….
Screeeeeech …… stop the vision.  Because the reality is indeed vast areas of golden sand, and the smell of suntan lotion, but the toned bodies? All bodies are here – toned, untoned, over toned, thin, fat, in-between and everything else, in costumes of all sizes and styles, whether appropriate for that person or not.  Speedo clad men? Yes, but perhaps for many of them a switch to baggies would be more appropriate.  Speedo and huge boep?  Not so hot.  A bit like me rocking up on the beach in a tanga.  Not so hot.  If you are without a huge boep or highly confident or have always worn a Speedo – high 5 to you.  If not – better not.  I have a wonderful friend who tells me that Speedos are meant for illicit trips to Thail…

hot flushes, lettuce, baldness and other fun stuff

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Now I have a close friend who always bemoans the creation of lettuce and has firmly told us that when he gets to heaven one day, the first thing he is going to ask God is what the whole idea with lettuce was.
I have asked that friend that should he get to heaven before me, he please asks, straight after the lettuce question, what the idea with hot flushes was.
Now I was a scholar of intermittent flushes.  My body seems undecided whether I should now be getting them or not.  They come and they go.  Sometimes they visit 58 times a day, sometimes they leave me alone for a few days, but for the last while, it seems they are wanting to be around me all the time.  How annoying.
Now the non-hot flush, too young, hormone treated, too old or simply don’t have it women will not understand this phenomenon, and the only people not getting it even more, are men.  They have no damn idea.  I asked a friend recently why the hell we got stuck with flushes, what do men have to deal with?  He said baldn…

the husband. the holiday and the last minute items

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I made my husband a very happy man on Friday evening.
The reason may be different to what normally makes guys happy, but in this case, it was a change to a 25 year plus altercation every time we went on holiday, or took a trip. The argument about what he terms “last minute items”.
Now somehow, he is the self-designated boot packer (probably because he gets everything in), which also then seems to mean that he gets to decide who has taken too much, unnecessary stuff and so on and so on …….
Naturally his bags get loaded into the boot “unaudited”, we do not get to comment on what or how much he takes as we do not really get to see it.  However, every single item brought out, particularly by me, has to be commented on.
My suitcase – when zipping it up and picking it up off the bed, he usually gives a little shriek, holds his back, drops the case down on the floor and asks “What the hell have you got in here Laverne?”.  Now given that my answer has been roughly the same since about 1990, I…

friendship is a game for 2

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Close friendships require hard work and effort.  

For me this is a statement, not a debate.  They require hard work and effort because most times the reward is great joy and great sharing and the accumulation of great memories over years. 

I know the whole reason, season, lifetime verse and song and yes, this is true for most friendships - some people help us just at the right moment in life, to survive, to find joy, to share, to love.  And then they silently slip away.  Not from negligence, but simply because your work together is done.  The "reason" ones.

And yes, others still come around for a longer while - the "season" people - they fill a space in your life and they give you the opportunity to fill space in theirs, to spend time together, to make your own memories.  And when that season is gone, so are they. 

And then come the "lifetime" ones, and these are the ones that require the real damn hard work, the real effort, and yes, believe it or not, time …

be brave

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To be brave. 

Does not mean you have to save someone from a burning building
Does not mean you have to endure pain without asking for help
Does not mean you have to hide your tears
Does not mean you have to allow others to walk over you
Does not mean you have to endure the lack of right to speak up
Does not mean you have to live your life fighting the reactions of certain people
Does not mean you have to stay in a job / relationship / situation that you hate


To be brave

Means you allow yourself to have an opinion
Means you allow yourself to speak up 
Means you allow yourself to be bold
Means you allow yourself to fight injustices
Means you step up and step out when needed
Means you stand up to bullies
Means you speak your mind even when you know you will get a reaction 
Means you rather stand alone for something, than with a crowd, for nothing
Means you will defend someone when you know it is morally right, rather than worry whether it is a conflict of interest
Means you expect from people the same res…

a matter of timing and Lent

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So being Catholic, Lent presents itself with the opportunity to give up something.  To fast from something - to leave something behind. 

I grew up like most Catholic kids, giving up Coke, sweets and a plethora of such. As an adult I still found myself giving up coffee (never again simply for the sanity of both my husband and my boss), chocolates and things like that. 

Then a couple of years ago I changed this, I found that I wanted to give up a habit or behaviour or addiction, rather than a "material" thing.  It has worked for me for the past 2 years.  This year I decided to give up lateness. 

You may think this is a rather simplistic choice.  If you know me you will know differently. I leave for everywhere at the last possible moment.  I lie in till the last possible moment. It is now a habit.  A long standing habit.  And I know it is annoying for my family, particularly my hubby and especially my kids who are time conscious.  Two friends have been quite outspoken about my hab…

Adult bullies

You may not hear a lot about adult bullying, but it is a problem. I personally battle to stand up to these people.  I fall back time and time again into the position of the bullied. Feeling that I need to be quieter, laugh more demurely, be more subdued or as someone hinted at "act my age now that I am 51".  I am always stunned when people in very fragile glass houses throw stones at others about behaviour.  One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and “show them who is boss.” There are several different types…