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Showing posts from 2017

label me, label you

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Labels.  You find them everywhere.  On all kinds of things.  Even people. 
Tins, Bottles, Boxes, Containers and much more - all have labels telling you what is in there - descriptions that usually match the contents quite well. 
The same cannot be said about human labels.  They are very often given to us by others, and very often do not accurately describe the person behind it.  
What labels would you give yourself?  Beautiful? Talkative? Passionate? Warm? or do you fall into the trap of giving yourself negative labels - Fat, Incompetent, Tiring, Boring .... the list is endless. Why do we find it so easy to believe the negative labels others give us, yet so hard to accept the positive ones which we know to be true?
One of the most soul destroying things I experience is those who label me, incorrectly, and in the process make me believe the labels to be true. 
How is it that we are less inclined to believe the positive labels than we are the negative ones?  I think that if we receive them i…

the journey. myself. musing. karin is here.

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Every time I travel 1600 km to visit Jess, the same thing happens.  It happened now and it happened last September and it happened the September before that. 

I find Karin.  It seems that she hides here in CT, in these beautiful little streets, the old houses, the shadow of the mountain, the streets that you can walk down and find dozens of quaint little coffee shops, laundries, Internet shops, vintage clothing shops and much more.  Every corner has a little eatery of sorts and if you are living where we currently are, we can just as easily cross the road to a Centre that is beautiful, not huge and has every store, including a delightful French Bistro, as we can meander down the hill and find a plethora of little coffee shops and other.  

I have fallen in love with a little wooden gate, a door with a brass doorknob and the view from my bedroom window.  This gate is a small, white, well worn, wooden garden gate, painted in semi-peeling white paint, thigh high and the entry to our little …

The grip of addictions, rehab and a simple bench

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Do you know someone who suffers from an addiction?

No?

Then you are not paying attention. 

Addicts do not all move through life with huge illuminated signs in front of them, declaring their addiction.  Addictions and addicts are around us, amongst us, known and unknown at different times. 

Yesterday I had reason to visit someone in a Rehab Centre.  Not a family member, perhaps not even a friend, more of an acquaintance.  I think I have spoken to him face to face only once, the rest of the time the interaction is by phone as he calls me just, I think, to have me listen to him for a few minutes.  A reaching out.  I don't actually know. 

This is not his first visit to Rehab, nor do I know if it will be his last, but he is there, being visited by his family, but no-one else from his life.  It is sad to think that there is not a colleague from his office who will visit, not even a friend.  I wonder how you get to that point. I don't know if he has used up his last, last, last chance wit…

depression - "just get over it" - and other stupidities

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Do you have a friend who suffers from depression?

Not?

Then you are not paying attention.

Research is stating more and more often that in every one of our friendship / family circles there is at least one person who does. 

Either it is openly known or seen, or carefully hidden by that person.  

Depression is an illness.  It is not a choice like what movie to see, what day to go to the dentist, what colour top to put on or whether or not to have a 2nd cup of coffee.  

Depression does not jump up and wave a large flag in your face when it is about to swoop. It is either there all the time, or sidles up to you every now and then, usually without warning, visits for a while and then slithers off.  You do not get to choose, it is not like a hotel booking where you say "five nights please". 

When diagnosed with any other serious illness, people would normally find themselves treated with great sympathy and genuine caring.  The person who has the sickness did not ask for it, and has to li…

professional purpose - so what is your daily work mantra?

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When someone asks you what you do, what do you say?

Do you give them your official job title, do you give them an informal reference to what your job is, do you describe your tasks and leave your job title open or do you simply shrug and mutter something about your job, making yourself sound as irrelevant as possible?

I read an interesting article recently, via Twitter and that got me thinking about the above. 

How do YOU see you, in your job.  Because how we see ourselves can either be better or worse, or sometimes exactly like others see us. 

That brings me to the point of professional purpose.  S Poswolsky says that in work we should learn our purpose, instead of just trying to find it.  Your job may have general definitions of what you are supposed to do.  And you could spend years trying to find your purpose in the what and why of your job and those definitions.  He has a strong point in saying that you should learn your purpose .... in your more defined tasks, ask yourself, "wh…

Gentle words, kindness, niceness and other challenges

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So this thing about being nice, or as our Priest so sweetly reminded us a few weeks ago - being gentle with our words. 

Pfffft.  So easy to say. Let he or she who manages this all the time, please stand.  Oh look, we are all sitting. 

So I am driving from school to work and on the single lane road that crosses the bridge en route, a road that is choc-a-block, the taxis do their usual thing of riding on the side of the lane and then shoving themselves in front (I have ridden this route for 4 years now) .... I do not mean one or two taxis, I mean ten or fifteen taxis driving bumper to bumper.  I used to get supremely heated, even now and then moving my car slightly into that lane to prevent them from doing so.  It does not bother them, only me, so I have been practicing to simply, when the road narrows, allow the taxi that is at that moment 2 cm ahead of me, but on my left, to slide in in front of me.  I even flash my lights and say come across.  Because I support simply breaking the rule…

All in, Donkey from Shrek, Balls to the Wall and other such notions

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So it seems that I am multi-limbed, multiple personalities and a multi-tasker that needs more than one body to deal with it all. Fantastic hey?

How the hell did I get here?  

It appears there is sometimes a lot to be said for people who do just what they have to, nothing more and nothing less (or even sometimes less, if they can get away with it).  I however have not been given that gene or that personality trait or characteristic or whatever it is called.  Perhaps the title should be sometimes a sucker.

I cannot be that, nor do I want to, but good grief the habit of balls-to-the-wall (not possible but such a fabulous phrase), take whatever you heap on me, get involved, get things done, can sometimes be a piece of concrete around one's neck.  

Please, this is an observation, not a complaint, before anyone gets all twisted and hysterical.  

My darling son, he of the dry sense of humour, whilst shopping for festively coloured plastic tables and chairs for little people in our "Sunda…

the boot contents, the variety and the mobile Makro

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Let's talk about boots. 

No actually, let's talk about my boot. 

Now personally I have issues with people with empty boots.  That is freaky .... like you keeping the space open should you have to transport a body wrapped in a carpet or a large piece of furniture.  

That empty boot, with all your tools and stuff under the carpet.  And nothing on top. Weird. 

Now my hubby and son and one other friend (weird how they all guys hey) have told me (rather smugly) that my boot looks like a branch of Makro.  Personally I think that is a bit of an exaggeration.  Life happens.  And the boot content grows. 

Every other week I take my car to the car wash for that just short of a valet wash.  When I approach I already see the car wash staff, who do the inside of the vehicle and the boot, playing ching chong chi for who does mine.  It is not a game they wish to win. 

On that morning, I do empty my boot.  I either unpack it at home or into the spare garage at work.  It takes about 30 minutes.  I fi…

the sea, the body surfing and that costume

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The beach.
Brings images to mind of vast areas of golden sand. The smell of coconut suntan oil, the sea and the vision of toned bodies, splayed on beach towels, soaking up the sun whilst buff speedo clad men run along the sea edge, eliciting sighs from women of all ages ….
Screeeeeech …… stop the vision.  Because the reality is indeed vast areas of golden sand, and the smell of suntan lotion, but the toned bodies? All bodies are here – toned, untoned, over toned, thin, fat, in-between and everything else, in costumes of all sizes and styles, whether appropriate for that person or not.  Speedo clad men? Yes, but perhaps for many of them a switch to baggies would be more appropriate.  Speedo and huge boep?  Not so hot.  A bit like me rocking up on the beach in a tanga.  Not so hot.  If you are without a huge boep or highly confident or have always worn a Speedo – high 5 to you.  If not – better not.  I have a wonderful friend who tells me that Speedos are meant for illicit trips to Thail…

hot flushes, lettuce, baldness and other fun stuff

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Now I have a close friend who always bemoans the creation of lettuce and has firmly told us that when he gets to heaven one day, the first thing he is going to ask God is what the whole idea with lettuce was.
I have asked that friend that should he get to heaven before me, he please asks, straight after the lettuce question, what the idea with hot flushes was.
Now I was a scholar of intermittent flushes.  My body seems undecided whether I should now be getting them or not.  They come and they go.  Sometimes they visit 58 times a day, sometimes they leave me alone for a few days, but for the last while, it seems they are wanting to be around me all the time.  How annoying.
Now the non-hot flush, too young, hormone treated, too old or simply don’t have it women will not understand this phenomenon, and the only people not getting it even more, are men.  They have no damn idea.  I asked a friend recently why the hell we got stuck with flushes, what do men have to deal with?  He said baldn…

the husband. the holiday and the last minute items

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I made my husband a very happy man on Friday evening.
The reason may be different to what normally makes guys happy, but in this case, it was a change to a 25 year plus altercation every time we went on holiday, or took a trip. The argument about what he terms “last minute items”.
Now somehow, he is the self-designated boot packer (probably because he gets everything in), which also then seems to mean that he gets to decide who has taken too much, unnecessary stuff and so on and so on …….
Naturally his bags get loaded into the boot “unaudited”, we do not get to comment on what or how much he takes as we do not really get to see it.  However, every single item brought out, particularly by me, has to be commented on.
My suitcase – when zipping it up and picking it up off the bed, he usually gives a little shriek, holds his back, drops the case down on the floor and asks “What the hell have you got in here Laverne?”.  Now given that my answer has been roughly the same since about 1990, I…