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Showing posts from June, 2016

cloudy waters washing over me

In Afrikaans there is a wonderful phrase "troebel waters" ..... cloudy, murky, turbulent ..... those are the waters I find myself in this week.  Unchartered waters - I feel like a lone person in a lifeboat being whacked from one side to the other by wave after wave after wave after wave of not entirely getting stuff right. 

I have always been a strong swimmer - a direct description of a person who can take the multitude of days that come your way .... great, mediocre or just downright crappy.  This week I have felt stuck in doggy paddling - two steps forward .... then 9 to the right and 109 backwards. 

Everyone seems to have a theory about why I am so uncertain, so confidence-less (yes I know that is not a word) - Sadly not one of them have it right.  Mainly because no-one has actually asked in depth.  And by asking you have to accept my answer.  And listen. And not judge. 

I have walked the road flat across to the Adoration Chapel where I have debated, questioned, demanded and…