Tuesday 30 December 2014

Mindfulness and my future introspection

"One of the buzzwords among psychologists and life coaches is the concept of "mindfulness".  More than just a new-age concept, mindfulness is the simple practise of becoming more aware, slowing down and really paying attention to what you are doing, thinking, eating, feeling and even how you are relating to others at any given time.  It can be as simple as choosing to take a break to eat your lunch outside, as opposed to rushed and hunched over your desk, or avoiding multitasking and choosing to focus on one task at a time"  Sunday Times Renew 28 Dec 2014 

Mindfulness seems like a wonderful concept to me .... I thought about it a lot today.  I also thought of what happens when you often put your heart out there .....Because sometimes trying to be all things to all people, multitasking and wanting to be irreplaceable to everyone is a big time waster.  The truth is that many people stop noticing.  You become so reliable and dependable in several spheres of life that it is not even a redeeming feature.  It is what becomes expected of you.  It can pass without a thank you or acknowledgement from some.  Those that display this reliability only occasionally, do not have this problem.  Because it is rare or randomly done, the impact on others is huge as is the thanks.

So mindfulness is going to see me breathe, observe, ponder, hold back, be aware,  but I will never shut myself off.  If this year has taught me something ..... and trust me it was a major battle and very hard for me to learn this ..... is that outgoing, bright and deeply caring are not always as great as you would think ...... because it can be described as too much, loud and hard work by others.   And I no longer want this. 

This is not a New Year's resolution - I have no time for them.... this is a change, I do not even know if it is a change that I want, but it is a change I am prepared to make .... because I learnt the hard way this year. 




I have a friend who blogs as well as an acquaintance who also does.  Both, particularly the latter, have taught me during 2014 that through blogging we can express exactly what we are feeling ... positive or negative or somewhere in between.  It was a great lesson. 

So as quietly as possible I say .... 
Happy New Year. 
May 2015 see you growing as a person with more blessings than you can imagine.  
I wish you the ability to love deeply and acknowledge those that love you
And I wish you mindfulness 

See you on the other side when 2015 arrives

c'est la vie xxx

Monday 29 December 2014

New Year Resolutions - made to break

So it is THAT time of year.  When we make the list of all those things we are going to change / amend / start / stop / adjust in the New Year which is lying in wait on our doorsteps. 

Problem is that these "items" on the list are usually ones that you have been dragging with you for a number of years now.  Yes, it is possible that sometimes we come up with a unique and new one .... and then actually follow it through.  I too have had a few of those.  

But mostly .... mostly .... the Resolutions are strong and as the hours and days of the new year tick by, so our Resolutions drain away at the same speed. 

Now from chatting to friends, family and acquaintances I have gathered the following: 


  • Diet and weigh loss are almost always the top of the list.  This will be the year that we will eat less, eat healthier, stop carbs, increase protein, cut out sugar, eat 18 portions of fruit and veg a day, ignore the sweets at the tills, drink no coke and stop unhealthy snacking.  We will also join Weigh-Less, Weight Watchers, Diet Injections Inc, Fatbusters, FatLess and everything else.  We will throw copious amounts of cash at them and buy scales, shakers, measuring jugs etc etc.  We will weigh weekly, then monthly, then six monthly and eventually add these items to our already huge pile of Diet stuff. 
  • Exercising more makes the next spot .... Start out slowly .... once around the block at night ,,,, and then build up to 3 hours a day at the local overpriced gym.  Me, like many, are still at the gate, preparing for the once around the block of 2009. 
I also found out that stopping smoking, drinking less and a number of other things followed this amongst my friends. 



I would like to add more fun things like see more movies, drink more cappuccinos, laugh even more, sleep more, panic less .... there are so many. 

But I have decided to try out just one. 

Be on Time. 

till soon 
c'est la vie. 

Monday 22 December 2014

my 2014 list including the most embarrassing moment

Every December, Bloggers who are hosted by Google have a list that goes around asking us for our favourites, our highs and lows, our loves and hates .... so here are my 2014 answers ..... 


TOP HIGHLIGHTS:  Moving into my new office, My daughter's new job in CT, My son's continual wit, changing my job.  

BEST SONG:  Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

BEST MOVIE:  Gone Girl 

WORST MOVIE: There were several but I will go with Into the Storm and The Counsellor 

STUPIDEST THING SAID BY ME:  whahahahahahaha ..... Not even enough space here.  Probably any sentence I start with "I think ............."

LOW POINT: I know it.  Most people do.  

MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT:  Getting my woollen scarf caught on a man's zip as I was exiting and him entering the Gautrain.  It was a ten minute battle to get it loose.  I had to get back on the train and travel to the next stop. 

BEST BLOG RESPONSE:   Highest readership was for my blog on same-sex orientation.  Followed by the blog on my daughter's luggage for her move to CT  and the one about racism and peanut butter 

BEST RESTAURANT MEAL:  Ummmmm...... not much restaurant eating this year ....... It would be Prue Leith Restaurant where the Fine Dining is excellent and  La Pentola as a 2nd where I had a great lunch. 

BEST COFFEE SHOP:  Three way tie between Abreu, Knead and Carl's Coffee Roastery

BEST READ:  Sandra Brown "Deadline" and "Good morning Mr Mandela" by Zelda le Grange 

FAVOURITE TV SERIES:  Game of Thrones (followed by Greys, Chicago Fire, Blue Bloods, Stalker, Criminal Minds, Major Crimes, Person of Interest) .... oh, we have to give one?

ONE THING YOU WOULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF:  Not allowing myself to be made to feel "lesser than" 

ONE THING YOU STILL CANNOT DO:  Sew

ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD DO:  Write a book

DREAM FOR 2015:  Peace of mind 












Sunday 21 December 2014

the open-handed random act of kindness

Tonight I chatted to someone at Mass.  Not a person really involved in my personal life, but someone who is aware of the sort of "main" things in my life, as one often is with certain people you regularly go to Mass with.  God has the most incredible timing when putting someone in front of you and inspiring them to say something highly relevant or helpful or kind at exactly the most perfect moment. 

Such was this conversation tonight. 

Wrestling with a number of things in my head at once, and a lot of time to wrestle with them now that I am officially on leave, I arrived at Mass with a very mixed head and mixed heart.  

I had prepared my reading for the evening  well by not only going over it several times, but by going to a Catholic site to have the meaning of it explained (love Google) because I believe that the infliction in your voice is affected by what you perceive the reading to mean.  Sometimes I feel myself emphasising certain words when I read, only to find out when the Priest talks about the first reading in his Homily, that I have failed dismally.  So I find this research helpful.  So I was feeling centred in my mind for this, but at the same time I had a lot of stuff spinning in it and I was trying to find the calm space.  In all this time I had a chat to a fellow church-goer. 

And in that 10 minute conversation he took such an interest in Jess' recovery, gave advice on the fact that we do not know where to have the staples removed in CT and just chatted in general about stuff I told him, that I was feeling completely in my calm space when the Mass bell was rung.  

And then straight after that our Priest spoke about closed fisted and open handed people.  And trying to be the latter.  And be it consistently.  It touched me for a variety of reasons, but it made me think on the way home of one fellow parishioner who had spoken to me for 10 minutes with an "open hand".  

Thank you ...... your random act of kindness came at the perfect time. 
Tomorrow I will try and pay it forward

"Nothing can make our lives or the lives of other people more beautiful than perpetual kindness" - Tolstoy 


Till soon 
c'est la vie 
xxx 

Saturday 20 December 2014

when a teenager moves to ct - the luggage thing

So the 19 year old, about to be 20 year old is leaving on Friday morning for CT for her 6 months' practical training in the crazy chefs' world. 

Now please understand that she is the person who goes to sleep at her BFF's house with a big suitcase in tow.  She is the one who goes to the coast with a large, and I mean LARGE suitcase which contains not only clothing for every weather condition from sweltering to snowing, but also a vast collection of her favourite thing .... shoes, plus a myriad of other stuff. 

So imagine when she moves to CT for 6 months.  Mango Airlines .... brace yourself!!!

Now firstly the chefs kit ...... 3 jackets, 3 check pants, 3 neckties, 3 hats, a pack of white tshirts, chefs shoes and lots of black socks.  That alone made up 10kg of the 20kg allowance of the airline.  Next the equipment of her own that she HAS to have with her .... which was tricky as she has a toolbox full of equipment she used at the chefs academy and had to be selective. 

 Next the chefs knives.  This R10 000 collection is the extension of any great chef's arms and hands, no chef is without them and they are worth gold.  You cannot take them as carry on and in some bizarre twist the airline would not allow them as booked in luggage lest they jump out and attack someone's suitcase whilst in the cargo hold.



So along came Craig.  Also posted to a upmarket restaurant in CT he decided to drive down.  And generously offered to take down a case for Jess.  So he became the "knife transport guy".  He has different rules to the airline.  Less paranoid.  He also does not have a 20kg case limit.  A decision he lived to regret when he arrived to collect the case.  I use the term "case" loosely.  Trunk would be closer to the mark.  He has the winter clothes and the first 96 pairs of skoene.  And the bulky stuff.  For someone who works 7 days a week she will have to get up during her 6 hours of sleep at least hourly and change to ensure she wears everything.  

That leaves the summer stuff, the balance of the skoene, the huge Winnie the Pooh, glasses, meds, a bag full of dressings since her stomach is full of staples from a double op last week, a lotto ball blow thing for her chest since the op, her journals, cookbooks, assignment sheets, photos, 2 goats and a sherpa. 

I can see that it will be necessary to prepay the R200 for an extra allowance of 10kg.  Note that this stuff has yet to be packed by Thursday.  By a young lady still battling to stand up straight due to aforementioned op.  She is also booked off till the weekend so the whole thing is shitty timing.  

But pack we shall.  Whilst we sluk back the tears.  This goodbye thing is hard.  Harder for a mom.  If one more person tells me it is ONLY 6 months I will throttle them.  For moms there is no such thing as ONLY.   Every time Jess and I look at each other we say "NO" which is our codeword for no crying. 

So Fri morn will come.  And we will load the cases.  And then it is up to the Airline to deliver her safely to her ouma in CT.  

And then the dream job starts.  Fly high angelface.  Because you can and you will. 

till soon 
c'est la vie xxxx

Saturday 13 December 2014

be kind. for you never know what someone else is going through

In my job I this year interacted 3 times with a particular person I had not met before then ..... today I got his simple Tumblr quote below in my email box with one word "thank you".  

Mine is a job that literally most people could do, I know that ..... but it is all mine and I am proud to do it. 

God is not impressed by how many Bible verses you know, He is impressed by how kind, merciful and gracious you are to people you know and people you don’t know.




Tuesday 9 December 2014

the gift of wings


So.  The time has come.  It took 19 years and 11 months to get to this point.  It seems quite poignant that on the 26th of December it will be exactly 19 years and 11 months.  

The daughter child has now finished a year of intense, crazy hours, minimum sleep, maximum stress, sore feet, sore back, blisters and burns on a regular basis, long shifts, massive assignments, lots of research, hours and hours in the demonstration kitchen perfecting her skills and hours and hours in the restaurant kitchen at the Prue Leith Chefs Academy where she is a full time trainee chef. 

And then comes the practical placement.  6 months.  In which you get hand placed by the Executive Chef along with the HR Manager at Prue Leith, at a restaurant which suits your skills, temperament, work ethic etc for you to train under a Chef of note.  

She always wanted the Western Cape. That bastion of top restaurants and world class chefs.  And then the dream came true ..... she was placed at the Pot Luck Club.  A renowned restaurant at which the booking has now opened for July 2015 .... simply because they are full till then.  www.thepotluckclub.co.za.  She joins as a 3rd Commi chef, starting on 27 December.  

So.  Am I glad?  Yes.  I am proud, boasting, impressed, wind knocked out of my sails about the dedication and sheer gutzpah she showed in what was a difficult year.  There is no student life, like at Varsity, when you study at a Chefs Academy.... no periods off,  only a tiny bit of time for socialising.  It is a training time of 12 to 18 hour days, including Saturdays, on your feet.  It is a career of having to come home at 1am and then still work on huge assignments and study.  It is a career where in every moment that you are not at the Academy you are trying to catch some sleep.  It is a career where in those hours you are there you grab 30 mins to wolf down your sandwich.  I watched her sacrifice so much in this time.  Outings with us, time to relax with us, literally all time to be with her friends.  But boy did she reap the benefits of her talent. 

So.  Am I glad?  No.  Because I am a mom.  Who has had Jess at home, sleeping in her room, for 19 years and 11 months.  Driving her around.  Having a TV buddy for midnight movies.  Waiting up for her to return from her shift.  Going for cappuccino at Abreu and doing the crossword puzzle on the odd Saturday she has off.  Going with her to the hairdresser while she tries the next colour.  Watching her hang out with her brother in either his or her room, laughing for hours.  Every birthday, every celebration, she was there.  Listening to that laugh of hers, that fills our house because it is so loud.  Sharing jewellery and perfume.  

It is only 6 months I know.  But that is 180 days.  And who knows what lies after that? 
So on 26 December, exactly one month before her 20th birthday, we will put her on a plane to CT, where she is very fortunately, going to stay with my mom-in law, sister-in-law and 2 cousins.  At least it will be more like home.  Getting all her luggage there is proving to be a whole other story :)

My hubby reminds me that this is the natural flow of life.  I could happily whack him. 

So as the poster says: 

Child:  "What if I fall?'
Mom:  "Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?"

And you will.  I know.  Higher than you ever could have imagined. 

till very soon
c'est la vie  xxx






Thursday 4 December 2014

Can you taste Christmas?

So deck the halls with boughs of holly. 

On second thoughts perhaps don’t.  And no fake snow. 

Because it is December.  In Pretoria it is 36 degrees outside.  Not even the slightest indication that snow is a-coming. 

I am a huge fan of Christmas trees and decorations.  Of all things sparkly and twinkly (although those that know me will tell you that I am a sparkly and twinkly fan 365 days of the year).  I love Lebkuchen and Christmas cake (why can we not eat it in other months?), I love tinsel, chasing lights, candles and incense. I know the words to all the carols and can be seen singing along merrily in my car.
I just do not want to do or have anything in the above paragraph on the 29th of October already.  Which is when I saw the first Mall Christmas tree.  In the 2nd week of November I found myself singing along to Silent Night in another mall until I realised what the hell I was doing and switched to something more current.  Like Eminem. 

Our tree will go up this weekend, which is late for us.  I have a load of 15 year olds descending on our home on Saturday for a sleepover.  One that is apparently lasting till the following Friday.  Aforementioned teenagers will be roped in for the tree event.  We did the same last year.  My hubby has one job and one job only each year – to unroll the Christmas lights and place them on the ground in a straight stripe for putting up.  In the first 5 years of our marriage this was a fun task which he did with great glee.  We were “newly-weds”.  Then in the next 5 years he started to look a little testy ….. showing me how we should “rather have” packed them away.  In years 10 -15 he displayed less patience …. Christmas light unfolding fell into the same category as packing our luggage into the boot when going on holiday.  We nearly had to go for couples counselling.  He muttered some stuff whilst unravelling the lights …. It was NOT the words to Santa Clause is coming to Town.  Between 15 and 20yrs of marriage I considered hiring a handyman to sort out the lights and now after 22yrs we have it sorted.  I roll them when the tree comes down and I unroll them when it goes up …. Wish I thought of that 2 decades ago.  He checks the bulbs and we carry on. 

Do we have rules.  No.  When our kids were 5 and 1, our tree looked like it was done by kids of 5 and 1.  As it should be.  Over the years the symmetry of the ornaments, the evenly spread lights and decorations have increased greatly, as their ages did.  Now at 19 and 15 we have perfection. 
I believe the way the tree looks should “grow up” as your children do.  I hope they come and decorate it every year once they have both left home. 
We do not do Gluwein.  We would rather have our fondue forks stuck through our eyes than drink Gluwein.  At a party about 15 years ago our host was thrilled at how much of it we kept having as she refilled our glasses.  Her potplant in the passage was saturated as we were pouring it out in there.  Nor do we do Eggnog.  Just so we clear.

Another thrill is the Advent calendars with choccies.  No, you are not too old at 48 to have one.  It is the best thing to slip that choccie in your mouth en route to bed.  I would not have it any other way.  Advent calendars are always in our home.  The trick is to not have eaten 1 to 9 Dec when it is only the 4th.   And Christmas cookies.  Every house should know the smell of Christmas cookies in the oven!  

And then the most important – the real Christmas joys …..one is our Nativity Scene.  This too has grown over the years.  Our initial one got smaller and smaller as little hands dropped a sheep, the one Shepard and eventually the manger …. It was becoming tricky and when we accidentally lost Mary’s head, it was time for a new nativity.  And now we have a lovely one with 25cm figurines, and the kids lovingly pack it out each year.  It almost takes longer than the tree. 

They went through the blessings for the Advent wreath and on Sunday as we lit the first candle, they read the pieces that were relevant to the lighting of the first candle.   We think a lot about what Christmas means in our house, not the sparkly tree and gift part, but the sparkly in our hearts bit, the love we feel, the great event that is coming soon, the warmth of a manger that is bringing to us such a wonderful gift, wrapped in love and eternal compassion and understanding.

Taste and feel it .......

Christmas is a-coming.  Look towards your church.  Live Advent.  Look at your family.  Pray. Prepare and wait in excitement for that wonderful moment.  Drench yourself in joy and thanksgiving.

Can you feel it? 



till soon
c'est la vie xxxx 


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