Sunday 30 June 2013

Getting to know you .... Getting to know all about you

The popular lyrics from "The King and I" in which it is sung "Getting to know you, putting it my way, but nicely, you are precisely, my cup of tea" came to mind this past week. 

I got to meet and briefly spend time with 2 people that I previously only knew by name.  But sometimes you meet people and the "like" button is instantly pressed.  And with us it was.  Ten minutes after arrival you would have sworn we were old friends and within 2 hours we had covered a range of topics and "get to know you's" that would have rivalled anything on a meet and greet site.  And when someone is pulling the mickey out of you regularly, then you know you are on a good wicket.  When I was told my one brake light was not working and I (stupidly) said "mine?" .... he replied "no you fool, your car's".  Now since he knew me only 48 hrs he had to be pretty sure that I was going to laugh.  And I did.  

And it made me think about the people we meet along the way, and the impact some of them have on our lives.  On my still ongoing Lifeline course, I got to know parishioners better that I have been going to Mass with for years .... I knew their names and where they worked and one or two other things, but now I now all kinds of stuff about them and have made some new acquaintances and even close friends amongst those people in the class that I speak to daily.   
Included in here is someone whose family I have been friends with for 13 years .... and I have seen her for years at the Church and NOW I found out how terrific she is. 

And I have met new youngsters, some of whom I had found a bit unapproachable previously now are becoming talkative and more interactive as they get to know me.  

And then there are those who aren't ..... one very "clicky" group in particular .... but you know what?  It does not matter ..... it takes a lot of kinds of nuts to make up a box of chocolates and we are all there.  And life is too short to spend with people who don't want to bother to get to know you before they make a judgement call, there are more than enough other friendly faces around. 

So back to the original couple ..... we did such an amazing amount of sharing in 3 days and there have been some messages back and forth since they went back home and sometimes people say "I will mail you" and you already know whether they will or not, and they will.  

I also revived a friendship with another parishioner with whom I had always had good laughs, but we never chatted enough for a while and these last two weeks it has been so great to laugh with her again. 

And it reminded me of what dear Flick told me ...... hold what is precious close and let the rest go.  Baggage, people who don't matter, whatever ..... just let go.  

So I am learning faster and faster how many new and wonderful people come into your life ..... at exactly the moment God intended them to ...... and what a beautiful world they open up to us. 

Look at me now  .......  just like a butterfly. 

So go on ..... look around you ....... at just the right moment someone life-changing will come along ..... grab the chance!  As the bumper sticker says "It is only some people that make you wanna punch them in the face". 



Till next time, 
c'est la vie xxx 










Monday 24 June 2013

breakups and makeups

Clearly I have lost touch with the teenage world of breakups, makeups, heartache and such.  

My daughter has had an on again, off again relationship with the same guy since gr 9 and she is now in gr 12.  They are a classic case of can't be together and can't be apart, can't live with each other and can't live without each other.  When they are together it eventually does not work, and they part.  When they are apart, it does not work and they want to be together.   It seems that being close friends is the happy place for them. 

But me?  I just cannot seem to get the questions right!!

Daughter crying on bed, "I hate him, I am never speaking to him again". 
Me:  "Yes, he is a total moron and you deserve better (this seemed the sort of supportive mom thing to say)
Daughter:  "Don't say that about him, he was always good to me and you always said you liked him".
Me:  Speechless and Confused 

Daughter, skipping through door:  "We have patched it up, it is so nice together, we laugh all the time"
Me:  "Oh I am so happy for you, I always liked him"
Daughter: "Did you forget how he hurt me before?  I thought you were on my side?"
Me:  Speechless and Confused 

Daughter looking half happy, half sad: "He was weird today, sat with me, but not really talkative like normal"
Me: "Well he is a total moron and you deserve better but I am sure it will be ok tomorrow and I am happy for you and I always liked him"

well you can fill in the rest from here ..... and yes, still Speechless and Confused. 

Was it this complex when I was 18?  My mom says no because I never tied myself down in Matric, although I was dating a guy when the Matric Dance rolled around.  He arrived to fetch me in a green what looked like shiny polyester suit coupled with brown Grasshoppers.  If you are too young to know what Grasshopper shoes are, it is probably better.  I spent most of the night dancing with my ex who went with a friend of mine who decided she liked Grasshopper boy way more, so everyone was happy.  It was shortlived however as my ex, he who was the First Team rugby captain of a prestigious Pta school, called me and said "I need to tell you, I think I am gay".  Well that was great for my self-esteem because he NEVER seemed to have problems dating me. 

So on 2nd thoughts, it seems way more complicated when I was young. 

Motherhood, gotta love it!!!



till next time
c'est la vie xxx


Wednesday 19 June 2013

children and time .... they go together

Been staring at an A3 cardboard for the past 45 mins .... am supposed to be making a collage about my life for my Lifeline counsellors course, but since my life is mostly an open book and most people can tell you 35 things about me anyway, I am battling to get going.  Probably would need 3 cardboards anyway.  So I swopped that for staring at my computer screen for 30 mins wondering what to blog about, then it hit me .... it always does. 

Children, and more specifically children and how much time their parents spend with them.  Now spend with them means you are not on your phone nodding to them intermittently, you are not reading your book/newspaper/laptop/ipad screen while saying, ya, ya.  You are not working and listening .... you are with them.  Giving them your full attention. 

We are a full attention kind of family in this house.  And we have reaped the benefits in terms of the most amazing open channel of communication between us and our 18 and 14 yr old kids.  Of transparency and trust and sharing.  We do simple stuff ..... we go bowling, or to the movies, we trawl the mall (without the 2 male members of the family), hubby takes Nic and 5 or 6 friends to the schoolgrounds on Sunday afternoons and they play soccer, hockey or cricket .... he takes all the equipment.  Jess and I catch up on our TV, we lie on her bed, we chat.  Last summer we all lay on the trampoline one night under a blanket and watched the stars.  We play cards and a helluva lot of times we simply play silly buggers. Oh and sport .... when we are not supporting one of the kids' sports games, we are following some or other sport on TV. 

I have seen so many families lately where there is big money and little attention.  Where the time not spent with the child is somehow "made up for" by the parents giving them 4 figure amounts for pocket money.
Wake up parents ..... you cannot buy your time with your children.  And very often children then find other ways of filling their time or the empty space left by this lack of attention, and sadly they do not always fill it with wholesome behaviour. 


The time we have with our kids can be so limited, many families nowadays have both parents working, often in more than one job, long hours, busy lives, busy homes.  Before you blink your children are finished in school and their wings are spreading.  So take every moment and savour it, every memory and every breath.  That way when you close your eyes you will have a virtual album of happiness .... and that lasts forever. 

So because I have readers from my old blog on Wordpress wanting me back there, but have built up a nice following here, I have decided simply to post my blogs on both sites ...... now everyone will be happy. 

Till next time,
c'est la vie xxx

Tuesday 18 June 2013

a lifeline to ourselves

I have been so privileged lately to meet a whole lot of incredible new people whilst I am busy on the Lifeline Counsellors Course.   We are a group of 18, all tied to the Queenswood Catholic Church, all ages, all backgrounds, all races, all walks of life, a variety of jobs, many stories, some married, some divorced, some single, some dating ...... but everyone with the same goal..... to grow through the first 9 sessions of 3 hours each and then to proceed to the next 8 sessions of 3 hours each. 

I remember when I signed up and I heard that Mondays and Thursdays from 7 to 10pm for 17 lessons I was bound, no abseentism, full attention and homework, I thought for a brief moment, how on earth am I going to squeeze this into a ridiculously full life.  And then, on the night of the first lesson, I felt such joy at going and once we had done the introductions and got started, I find myself very excited on the days of my classes.  I have fitted it in, by making more me time, for realising that my home and my hubby and my kids can manage quite well without me for 2 nights a week. 

And there amongst my smaller focus group of a facilitator and 4 other classmates I have found myself.  We knew it would be tough going these first 9 classes of personal growth.  We have cried (a lot) ... guys and girls .... we have laughed, we have frowned and revealed and shared our deepest secrets and fears.  We have covered all our years from toddler till now, we have hauled it all out ..... every week giving a little more, every week baring our souls, trusting each other and finding our little group of six getting closer and closer.  As one of the guys in my group said tonight "you are all becoming "my people" as we share stuff in this wonderful safe environment".  And often when we cry and laugh, we not only do so for ourselves, but we cry for others in our group.  And we grow ..... damn how Lifeline has stretched me ...... I feel like someone has climbed into my soul and just ripped out a whole lot of stuff. 

And each lesson we do, each piece of homework, each reveal, each exercise designed to make us deal with stuff, make peace with stuff, work through stuff is another piece of baggage we throw down off our backs.  And we question ourselves and we see our reactions and our actions and we grow some more.  

And through this all I know that F, P, K, M and N have gained a piece of my heart and my life that no-one will understand and that we have forever given a precious piece of ourselves to each other. 

And my family at home carry me through this, on the happy nights and the sad nights, because this part of the course sends us home with both.  But they see the light switching on in me, they see me stretching myself .... they see me shrugging off so much stuff. 

And to the person who kickstarted this whole process ........ my eternal gratitude for giving me courage and teaching me the importance of processing stuff gently.  



Till next time 
c'est la vie xxx

Monday 10 June 2013

drawing the youth in ..... Catholicism

Been wondering a lot about youngsters and church.  What draws them and what keeps them away.  Catechism definately keeps them there ..... I perhaps find it easier with kids at a Catholic school because Catechism is part of their routine, with the bonus before First Communion and Confirmation of having the "in-house" priest giving lessons.  On a Confirmation level I know my daughter found this intense and insightful.  

When I was young Catechism was definately not what it is today.  I remember with what heavy hearts we trudged to our parish on the evening we were allocated and listened to ramblings of things that just seemed to heavy handed for us to understand.  But going to church was something that was instilled in us from an early age.  

The same has been carried down into my own family ..... my husband converted to Catholicism before we got married and being involved in whichever parish we were at was natural to us.  Our kids were altar servers, both Eug and I taught Catechism and I ran the Youth group at our previous parish .... and it was different than I remembered.  The Confirmation kids I had with me over 2 years built up a relationship of trust and sharing with me and we became integral to each other's lives.  They were in gr 11, most of them 17 and today those kids are 25 and most of them still have contact with me, via FB or directly.  So the bond is firm. 

But over time I found the homilies not only becoming almost meaningless to me, but driving away youngsters, youngsters who came to church on the weekends to have their souls fed, to learn about finding God continually in their lives and to leave the service with a heart bursting with love and thoughts that had been challenged. 

Going to Mass should never be a chore akin to dishes or actually putting your laundry in the basket. 

Somewhere along the way this year it changed, a new priest arrived at our parish who brought along all the things the youngsters needed .... homilies that teach, on ground level, in real terms,    The notion that laughter is ok in the church building or at appropriate times in the service, that hymns can be boisterous and fun and modern, and slowly slowly I see many "missing for a while" youngsters arriving at the services .... happy to be there, at an inclusive place. 

And this is how I see my Faith, the ability to keep me wondrous and drawn throughout my life. 

And this feeling is now. 

Till next time, 
c'est la vie xx



Monday 3 June 2013

Moms & plasters for hearts

So I asked a good friend of mine this week where moms go to hide and gather their thoughts.  He said he had no idea.  Well quite frankly ...... if you know please tell me. 

Certainly not at work where I go 100kms per hour thinking and phoning and negotiating and begging and writing and .... now that I think about it my life is pretty much 100km per hour and 100 % throwing myself into everything, all the time. 

And I wondered again this week ...... where do we get the wisdom and the strength to pick up the pieces when things break our children's hearts.  No matter whether they are big or small, their hearts always come to us for healing.  I have a simple philosophy in life ...... I always give advice, you can cry on my shoulder 500 times, I will lead you and guide you ..... but every now and then we have to watch our kids do something we think may end in a little heartbreak, because the life lesson is invaluable and because a blanket "no" to that little road would never demonstrate the lesson (and I am not talking about any life changing or illegal situations haha), and then we wait .... we wait for the inevitable ....... and we pick up the pieces.  And we make sure not to say "I told you so", because I remember being 18 and 14 and I know how many of the "absolutely catastrophic" things that happen at those ages, end up being just a hitch on life's road when you are all grown up. 

So till then, I hide, in the bath under bubbles, behind my book and under my duvet, gathering my thoughts, I look for wisdom from my bff, my hubby and my ever wise priest, I drown my sorrows in endless cups of cappuccino and keep telling myself ...... this too will pass.  Not just for them ..... but for me too. 

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won’t stay
And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won’t always shine
(sun won’t always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times (Christina Aguilera)


Till next time, 
c'est la vie and much love xxx 

So how is your week going? Yes I wrote this blog a while ago.  I have tripped going up (yes up, not down the plethora of steps up to our hou...