So along came Mel. And told us to "Let Them". Yes, I like millions of others, have the book. After all, let's not forget that it shot up the bestseller list and by making us believe that her rules of life are the only ones to be followed, she banked several more millions of dollars.
I believe a lot of Let Them things however I (like many, many other reviews, including some serious writers), believe that the term became a bit much - I listened to the audiobook and her Let Them phrase every sixth word became almost as annoying as the wanna be Duchess of Sussex and her tendency to now use the word "yet" at the end of every sentence. What Mel seems to miss is the fact that her theory is not one that no-one has ever thought of, practiced, heard a life coach or psychologist or someone tell them. Eight years ago my psychologist (yes I had one, today it's like having a hairdresser or nail tech), told me that you cannot wear all the problems of those around you, like a coat. People will have to grow up and deal with problems in the big world. Almost eleven years ago when I completed the very long and intense Lifeline Counsellors Course, one of the presenters brought along a rug sack, filled it with rocks, put it on her back with much difficulty and indicated how we pack everyone's problems on us. Point taken. To an extent.
That was actually a longstanding theory, except that they didn't have a specific name for it and didn't make millions.
Now there are, as I said, things that she is very smart about. But what irks and concerns me is that there are people who begin to live the book like a coat. There is a very thin line between adapting her ideas to fit into certain areas of your life, or many of them, or those that turn her book into a cult - because that pushes you into the area of arrogance. Thanks for the info of your life, but let me go back to my world now.
Let Them (and Let Me - also one she loves), can very quickly become "you and your life and your experiences are nothing to do with me. I see them, I hear them, please and thank you but go on your merry way. My life is about me. Just me". Mel has told me that I must not worry about others too much. Just Let Them. Just Let Me. And my life. Fall down? I'll step over you to cross the road.
I let go of that which does not serve me. I think if she looks she will find that she did not write that sentence. It came into existence forever ago. I somehow think that Hebrews 12 and Matthew 6 in the Bible, beat her to it. And I don't think they meant it in such a calculating way.
It is hard to let go a bit. If you have children, you will know this. If you are a victim of abuse, it cannot be understood by someone else, and this goes for hundreds of things every day in everyone's lives. So let me say I am practicing 40 percent of the book, or trying to, but I have realised that I don't have time for all the hocus pocus, because I don't want to look at others and 100 percent say "not my problem". Rich or poor, famous or regular person, whichever - I think the Let Them and Let Me cult is fast turning into a Me Cult only. A "I hear you" but it deserves none of my time.
I will rather be the person who puts my hand out. Several days a week I hear of, see, communicate with, people with so many sad issues in their lives, there are a lot of heartbreaking things going on in people's lives. People tell me things. They always have in my life. They probably always will.
For some in my career, this is never happening (I know several people in the same job as me). It happens to me and my life is so blessed and full because people feel "safe" with me. My brain is a minefield of information that just is safe there. I can just say "oh that is very sad, I commiserate but on you go". However I don't want to be that person.
I will give an extra hour if I can help you, I will sit on the step and give you a hug and mop up tears, I will buy you a coffee, pray for and with you, put on a cheery face for every single person who crosses my path in the day, even when I am dealing with so much lately. If I can make a call, do something or give something to help you, I will. When my son's wedding had to be postponed at short notice (the big day was supposed to be 4 Oct) and my daughter was hijacked the following week, I showed up, smiling and kind, because that is what I have to do. In return so many, many, many people were so kind and generous to me. There were those that surprisingly completely ignored my messages to say what had happened, or never ever asked for an update - disappointingly it says so much about them, and nothing about me. But it saddened me - it should not have been that way. I must mention that it was a traumatic situation that led to the wedding postponement and not any issues between him and his awesome fiancƩ.
I love to go to my job. Every day. I interact with incredible people, more than I don't. I love to spend time with people in my own free time also. In both cases I am listening to their stories. I learn so much from one of my Priests who has so kindly drawn me, just as Karin and nothing more, into a small group that teaches me so much about humility and the challenging lives of others.
Yes I am the one that hugs the Rastafarian on the beach when I see him - because he loved meeting my mom, he made her a special bead necklace, as a gift, and gave her other items in the one time she came here before she got so sick. She just wanted a picture "with the nice Rastafarian". He always asked about her health, and he cried when I went to tell him that she had passed away. Those are the people I want in my life. I know a young man, who is currently writing exams at University (no, not my son). I know his subjects and I make sure I always contact him to wish him luck before he writes and ask how it went after. I was stunned when I found out that he is studying, his life was an assumption that I had incorrectly made about him. He often says I am one of only a few in his life, who ask. Those are the kind of people I want to play a role in. I always know everyone's business. And that is a good thing. A safe thing. And I take it as a compliment.
So I cannot cripple myself by loading 5 stones into my rug sack of every person I see/talk to/ help in my work and personal or family life.
But I will always take some of your stones - I can carry them in rotation. Let Me.
till soon
c'est la vie x
For reference I am talking about the "Let Them theory" by Mel Robbins.
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