Costume oh Costume

It is that time of the year again. Buy a new swimming costume time. Because I spend a lot of time on the beach and in the sea, my costumes tend to only last one year. I have wondered since the sea is right in front of me 24/7, why I have never considered getting 2 or 3 costumes a year given the time I spend down there. 

But I digress. The costume thing. Costumes and changing rooms at stores, are not friends. Having a front, side and heaven forbid, back view all at once can be both frightening and traumatic. Now those of you who are slender, and that does not have to mean younger, just slender, may not know this. I now know a lot of women my age and older and many of them are slender. 

I am referring to the more "round" shaped people of the population. Like me. Someone taught me that phrase - "my shape is round". I know you get apple shape and pear shape and all types of body shapes according to the experts. Mine is round. Think more Oros man. And I say this with great love about myself. The boep is real. So is the butt.

I used to always buy one-piece costumes in the last 2 dozen years before moving here to the coast. One did not simply go on the annual or bi-annual holiday to the coast and put yourself and aforementioned boep into a bikini. It was simply just not done. Unless you fall into the slender category. Now granted many people just prefer the one-piece, irrespective of their age. One of my late parent's friends, a lady I have known for 58 years, has lived by the sea since forever, and never worn anything but a bikini. She is now in her 70's - I don't imagine her in any other costume. 

When we moved here to Gordons Bay, we did so for a work opportunity. I arrived 6 months after hubby and we knew no-one. 4 months later Hello Covid and any dreams of visiting the beach were shattered as we queued 200m apart at Checkers to go in and sweat profusely under our masks. I then decided that living literally a stone's throw from the beach was wasted by getting so only half tanned - which meant tanned arms and legs and lily white torso. A bit like a liquorice allsort sweet. So in came the bikini in 2022. I took several sizes and types and went into that hellhole also know as the dressing room (cue Jaws movie music). I put the first one on and a huge shadow loomed up behind me. I shrieked, only to discover is was my rear end reflecting in the "rear view" mirror. I had to take a break in Woolworths and go get a take out coffee in their coffee shop. It was going from arms and legs showing to everything showing as if you were wearing underwear. It was a lot. I am usuallly nicely tanned 6 months of the year, because on our deck I get tons of sun also, but going to the beach and suddenly exposing the liquorice allsort torso to its first sun in six years? Let us just say that much aftersun was used and Disprins taken. 

When the next Summer arrived I realised that the previous bikini had now served its time. I found this out when walking from my towel to the water and realising that my costume pants elastic was making it less of bikini bottom and more of thong. You know when elastic has done its time and your pants get that look like a baby on the beach wearing a Pampers nappy full of sand.. That look. So it got replaced and lo and behold I had gone to a smaller size. 

Last year I bought an even more fabulous one with large yellow flowers on. My daughter is fascinated that I am so unabashedly able to lie on the beach and walk to the water and back with a lot of parts jiggling. There is admittedly a lot of movement. I told her that if people want to look, or talk, or say "kyk daai vet vrou in die bikini", then c'est la vie. I'm getting tanned, reading a book, eating an ice-cream and having the best summer's day, whilst you are doing the people audit. 

Sadly, when I started Spring with my swim on 1 September this year, like every year (yes it was freezing cold and the wind was howling), I discovered that I have my beautiful yellow flower top from last year but appear to have mislaid the pants. So I had the Spring swim in the top that fitted and the bottom from the previous year that looked like the Pamper nappy full of sand style. The pants hung low, a bit gangster style. 

So me and the changerooms have an appointment at the stores for the 2025 upgrade. A new costume is the only item that I ever buy at Woolworths. Not the only item that I want, just the only item that I ever buy there. The want in Woolworths list is very long. Their bikinis just work for me. 

And that rear mirror? I am now at the stage that I try on the bikinis and usually turn around and say to that back mirror - "what the hell are you looking at?". 

Celebrate your body as it is now. Yes you should probably eat less sugar and more protein and less that and more this and blah blah. But celebrate that body. Mine will be on the beach soaking up the sun, boep and all. 

Till next time, 

c'est la vie xxx