friendship is a game for 2

Close friendships require hard work and effort.  

For me this is a statement, not a debate.  They require hard work and effort because most times the reward is great joy and great sharing and the accumulation of great memories over years. 

I know the whole reason, season, lifetime verse and song and yes, this is true for most friendships - some people help us just at the right moment in life, to survive, to find joy, to share, to love.  And then they silently slip away.  Not from negligence, but simply because your work together is done.  The "reason" ones.

And yes, others still come around for a longer while - the "season" people - they fill a space in your life and they give you the opportunity to fill space in theirs, to spend time together, to make your own memories.  And when that season is gone, so are they. 

And then come the "lifetime" ones, and these are the ones that require the real damn hard work, the real effort, and yes, believe it or not, time and effort and interest from both parties.  These are the ones that this blog was inspired by. 

Now I am someone who puts huge effort into this especially when you are in my "friendswhoarefamily" group.  And many people I know and are friends with are like me.  I want to know if you slept well.  I want to know if you are feeling better because yesterday or the day before you were not feeling great.  I want to know how the party / function / lunch / movie or such was that you were at. I take an interest.  It matters to me if you are sad, it matters to me if you are safe and I will check up on you if you are.  I want to simply say "hey, how is your day going".  And I do. I think that must be heartwarming to be on the receiving end. Because real interest is a bit thin on the ground nowadays. 

But the most soul-destroying and heart breaking thing has to be friendships where these questions are always uttered by the one person continuously, whilst the other person thoroughly enjoys the love and attention, but does not reciprocate.  You sick? Well get over it and stop moaning and groaning.  You went out?  I am not that interested.  You sad?  Chin up darling or why are you sulking (Quiet does not always equal sulking.  Sometimes it is simply hey give me a hug because you see I need one).  That is how it feels when you are on the other end.  And eventually after years .... it starts to wear you down. 

So think about your close friendships, think about the effort you put in.  Think about the time you take to say hello, how are you, how is your day going, in fact just something. A few minutes or more a day. Some of the people who spend the most time on their phones, spend the least time sending a message to those who are always there. 

So pause about it, and when you decide which person you are and where you fit, step back from being defensive and take a moment.  To ponder.  To think if you have friends who deserve better. Type that message.  And be thankful that you have people in your life that love you so much. 

till soon
be joyful 

c'est la vie xxx

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