You can call it insomnia, sleep apnea, lack of sleep, not falling asleep, not staying asleep, anything you like. It comes down to not sleeping.
Please don't tell me to get into bed earlier. Or that it is the hours before midnight that count. Or that I need my beauty sleep. Or that I should aim for 8 hours a night. Some nights 8 minutes would be a blessing. Don't tell me about coffee, or stress, or reading too late, or blogging too late. I know all those things. None of them, when changed, have any effect on the opening 2 words of this blog.
I have darkened the room, lightened the room, bought that airplane eye covering thingy, I have read gentle verses, hummed, sang kumbaya, meditated, did that relax one limb at a time thing, got a new pillow, warmer pyjamas, cooler pyjamas, windows open a bit, windows opened wide. Sleep tabs? No. Some are too weak and don't work and the stronger ones given to me recently? I sleep .... oh yes I sleep. And in the morning? It is like trying to wake a mummy (not a mommy, a mummy). It is ridiculous, I am puffy eyed and incoherent. I would rather be sleepless than look like I drink first thing in the morning. Warm milk? I would rather have my lip pierced three times than drink any temperature of milk in a glass. Milk is for milkshakes and cappuccinos.
Recently due to some emotional unpacking, a course I went on, a major car accident, a daughter writing prelims and 2 deaths in my family 11 days ago, I started to unravel .... a lot. And drove a lot of people crazy. a lot. And of course my trusty specialist is handling it all ..... and drying tears .... a lot .... as I seem to bump heads with everyone in my non sleeping path.
And then, in Dischem, there it was at the Solal shelf ....... 30 sachets in a box aptly called Sleep Naturally. It was a sign, because that is what I want. I still want to stay up late watching movies, but then if I go upstairs I don't want to lie awake for 6 hours till my alarm goes off. I want to read and blog after midnight, but know that I am on leave and can sleep till 9 and do so fitfully. These delightful little strawberry granules get dissolved in a half glass of water at bedtime .... like a non-alcoholic bedtime treat and when I get into bed .... the box has it right .... I fall asleep quite quickly and ..... I stay asleep. Cue Angelic Harp Music.
And in the morning .... I feel dik geslaap, but not incoherent.
So there you have it ...... I am sleeping. I am healing. And I am trying not to be too feisty. Those feeling it will know who you are. I ask forgiveness.
Till next time, better rested
c'est la vie xxx