the what if's of life

what if ..... We thought twice before we spoke once

what if ..... We noticed the little things around us

what if ..... Please and thank you were as critical as breathing

what if ..... We appreciated people before we lost them 

what if ..... No-one suffered as a result of the greed of others

what if ..... Loyalty was recognized for the big deal that it is

what if ..... We all practiced patience ... and kindness ...... and gentleness

what if ..... We slowed down .... our speaking, our thinking, our lives

what if ..... We found time for God at the start and end of every day

what if ..... We left behind our arrogance and our pride in dealing with others

what if ..... We thanked God every day for the people who stand unfailingly by us

what if ..... We showed a little more sympathy and empathy and a little less harshness

what if ..... We judged ourselves by the stringent rules we lay down for others

what if ..... We tried to say good morning & good night unfailingly to those we care for

what if ..... We decided today that we would show nothing but love

what if .....

we never tried. 

c'est la vie xxx

my image of the Church

Church. 

What image comes up in your head?  A building? Home? Warmth & Love? Responsibility? Guilt? Pressure? Redemption? Joy? Anger? 

I asked a number of people to tell me the immediate word that comes to mind when I say the word "church".  It was quite fascinating how the answers differed - but somehow a thread ran through most, but not all of them. 
, 
That thread was almost like "a place of sanctity" ..... a place that is always there, 24/7, always welcoming no matter how little we visit or if we forget to visit.  A place where we go to ask for guidance, forgiveness, wisdom, answers, direction.  A place where we can express heartfelt joy, disappointment, anger, confusion, weakness, strength and intense longing for something we find ourselves always chasing. 

The only place where you actually can, at some times, step into and be the only physically present person there, however you are never alone.  The only place where you can speak out loud when you are alone, but are not speaking to yourself only.  A place where you can take everything about yourself in total honesty without worrying about judgement, just you and God. 

My church represents all that to me.  The most blessed thing is the fact that we have Perpetual Adoration, and whilst I share my hour with 3 or 4 people who pop in and out, I am able to, every day, go and sit there and talk to God.  He may scold or frown and other times not give us an answer.  He may sometimes say No, when we want him so desperately to say Yes, but no matter what, He looks down on me with infinite love and I always leave with the great certainty that no matter how desperate my life may seem ..... He has never let my hand go. 

How blessed am I. 

Christ the King Catholic Parish
Queenswood, Pretoria 

till soon 

c'est la vie xxx 

chefs academy, italy and moms

So after completing her 3rd Commi practical training at a brilliant restaurant in CT, and before returning home to graduate, my daughter, also referred to as chefgirl or the shorter child, was offered a position as a demi chef at that same restaurant, to return to once she had been home to graduate and spend time with us.  

I am delighted for her to have been offered a job based on her performance and dedication during her practical period.   Why couldn't she have been less spectacular?

I am delighted that she gets to return to CT, where she still wants to see so much of it.  Why can't she just be happy with Pretoria and day trips to nearby cities and landmarks?

I am thrilled that she gets to share a flat with a friend whom she gets on so well with.  Why can't she just sleep in her room in our house? 

I know she is following her dream and doing so in a fantastically talented way.  Why could she not have wanted to be a dog walker.  

I am happy that there is in fact an airport in CT and one in Jhb and many planes between the two.  Why could she not be in a place that I could drive to in 30 mins, or even better, walk? 

Never mind .... all the latter parts of the statements above are said in jest (not) .... I wish her joy and love and passion and chef adventures and when she travels to Italy in October to take up her prize as the top student ..... why could it not have been to Durban?  


whahahahah 

Watch her catch her dream ....  and I am delightedly proud of her and her tenacity.

Love you chefgirl

Mom xxxx

What 10 things would you tell your kids?

Read a very interesting article this week .... if you could tell your kids 10 things .... what would it be .... and obviously various people, given the vast differences in their kid's ages ..... gave a wide variety of answers.  I also had an interesting conversation with a friend today about teenagers and how I felt that COMMUNICATION is the number 1 tool (and I have a 16 yr old and a 20 yr old).  And that listening is part of that.  Not waiting for your child's lips to stop moving so you can butt in .... but listening and actually hearing what they are saying.  It does not matter how old they are, at every age they are allowed to have an opinion and their own thought process.  Listening goes a long way in cementing this relationship. 

So the 10 things I would tell my 16 year old son: 

1. Always be a gentleman (he is).  Opening doors, letting ladies walk first, pulling out her chair for her to sit.  Be this.  Even if she is not ladylike, you be a gentleman. 
2. Go to church - we do now.  But do it forever.  You love your religion.  You love our parish.  Let God always be the guiding light in your decisions.  
3. Be a man of your word.  If you say you will do something, do it.  Be a man of honour. 
4. Respect your time and respect other people's time. 
5. Be impassioned in everything you do.  When you do something don't skate along the surface ... immerse yourself in it. 
6. Be well read.  Newspapers, books, internet ... however you do it .... build your general knowledge so that you are able to converse comfortably about a vast array of subjects.  It will stand you in good stead in any conversation throughout your life.
7. Always remember the biggest lesson I taught you .... there is always someone worse off than you in life, even in times that things go really badly .... always look behind you .... and help that person. 
8. Never judge other people.  Never tell them what they should have, could have, or what you would have done in their situation.  You cannot comment until you have walked in their shoes.  Be respectful.  You are brilliant at this with people. 
9. Be humble.  
10. Be You.  You are a damn fine kid. 

And what would I tell my daughter: 

1. You have always chased your dream to be a chef.  Now you have finally slogged your way to that achievement.  Never stop chasing your big dream .... you fly.  You always do. 
2. Work wisely with your money now that you earn an income. Save. 
3. Be a woman of your word.  Walk the Talk.  Be honourable. 
4. Remember always #7 on your brother's list 
5. Remember always #8 on your brother's list
6. Love.  With all your heart.  Your family, your friends, all your important people ... it is a beautiful gift to give those you care about. 
7. Be world wise .... be knowledgeable .... be able to talk on many subjects. 
8. Remember to find God in all you do.  He is there all the time and even with your crazy work hours ... you know you just have to close your eyes ... He is there. 
9. Visit often. 
10. Be You.  You are an awesome girl. 

Till soon 

c'est la vie xxxx

What I said Yes to

Yesterday I went on a "moms" retreat and one of the talks was on "when we say Yes to motherhood, what are we saying yes to?" - it had a profound effect on me to write down what it is exactly .... whilst sitting in silence next to a beautiful water feature, by myself, with only my head and my heart as my companions. 

Having written that, I last night started to wonder about other things ....or contemplating as Francis told us ... which is it seems "looking at with love".... I was looking at (with love) what we say Yes to when we say yes to marriage ... and what are we saying Yes to when we say yes to a choice of career / job / work. 

Motherhood's yes was very easy ... I filled 5 pages of the notebook yesterday ... I said Yes to - a job you cannot resign from, a job with no leave, the first step, the first tooth, the first school day, the first heartbreak, first all kinds of things.  I said Yes to rolling eyes, slamming doors, laundry with no end, loving hugs, homework that you cannot assist with as you just do not get Maths.  Also Yes to job decisions, matric exams all over again, sports matches, advice, shouting and driving 4583 kms a year fetching and carrying.  I said yes to carrying my heart outside my body forever and I have loved every moment. 

Which led to the other things I thought of last night, outside of the retreat ... 

When I said Yes to marriage I said Yes to a lifetime with one person, our own private jokes, someone who knows how you like your coffee, arguments, rolling eyes, slamming doors, someone who makes the school sarmies, someone with the most amazing general knowledge ... I said Yes to, someone who cannot understand how another person can a) read so much and b) love tv so much .... Yes to a lifetime with a Liverpool supporter, someone who hangs his clothes over my towel, a fun person to play against in 30 seconds, someone who has the ability to overwhelm our kids with love and attention.  I said Yes to snoring, blanket sharing and someone who is tenacious and handles life's blows without complaining.  I said Yes to someone who always knows where the matches are during loadshedding, drains the pool for us annually, runs an informal soccer club every Sunday without every say no to our son .... the list is 28 years endless. 

Which led to work ... I said Yes to learning more about my religion in 2 years than I have in the last 47.  I said Yes to crazy days and crazier days, births and deaths and babies being baptised, learning how a radio show works, great office cappuccino, a boss who answers my 3234 questions a day and laughs because I walk into his office and take up on a conversation we were having 3 weeks previously (without any preamble or warning).  I said Yes to meeting tons of people, become entrenched in the daily life of the parish, I said Yes to days of great laughter and days of great frustration.  Yes to a happy place to spend my working life - yes to insight into the calling of Priesthood, to meeting dozens of Priests and knowing Archbishops and a Cardinal.  It was a very good Yes. 

What have you said Yes to? 

Till soon 

K xx 

counting my blessings

Teenagers are awesome.

Yes they are also trying, irritable, irritating, cocky, opinionated and wise for days.  Yes they put their washing next to the basket, they leave glasses in the lounge and they twist you around their little fingers.  But they are also wise, witty, lovable, loving, good company.  And yes, in the case of boys, man can they eat.

Since my daughter moved to CT in Dec for 6 months to complete her professional chef's training - we have our dear 16 year old son on his lonesome ownsome here at home.  And that has been all at once amazing and interesting.

Now boys have their own inner clock.  They can stay up till 2am, then they sleep until 2pm.  A bit like bats.  Then my dear one rolls out of bed to consume 322g of Pronutro which requires 2.5lit of milk to get into any consumable form.  This is usually washed down with 2 viennas.

Naturally this is during the holidays ... in term he is out of here at 615 daily.

He has become my Saturday crossword buddy at Abreu while I have cappuccinos.  He swore high and low he was not going to accompany me in lieu of his sister when she left, but capitulated soon after.  So one day a week we do the crossword, both Beeld and Pretoria News.  We have fun.  It is a teeny learning chance wrapped up in a lot of laughter.  And he won't let me touch the pen.

We also share a love for scary movies.  The scarier the better.  We watch them until all hours of the night while my hubby shakes his head in wonder that anyone would do this to themselves.


So now in the holidays I get to spend more time with my boy ... and we Skype Jess .... and I count my blessings ..... over and over ...

c'est la vie
xxx

broken

352 days of being brave.  Smiling. Pretending to be ok.
352 days of giving my all to everyone.
352 days of chin up, loyalty to everyone, love and being me.


And then it took just 15 minutes to finally break me.