L is for Licence. L is also for Liquor.

Now many of you would have read the blog that I wrote last year in September for Wordpress.com  It was subsequently published in the December issue of the Good Housekeeping SA magazine.  It dealt with teaching Jess to drive.  

As she must imminently get her licence, her dad was tasked to take over with teaching her to drive.  Apparently I do not have the "correct personality type" to teach her.  Pfffft.  He on the other hand, apparently does (this is the same man who was very impatient helping me to get my contact lenses out). So they go driving every weekend, on the backroads, around and around the large school property etc etc.  They always return smiling and still friends.  That is not normal. 

So from Friday he was in P.E. on business and when I dropped Nic at CBC yesterday afternoon for the informal soccer club, Madam the 18 year old then said she would show me how she drives around the school grounds with dad.  I hopped into the passenger seat ..... and then it started.  

Now I swear, just like I am learning on my Lifeline Course, I was quiet.  My mouth was still and my inner voice was still.  She started the car, pulled forward and stalled.  She repeated the whole thing.  She then sighed, groaned and called my poor car something not nice.  I told her every clutch is different and that it is the driver, not the car.  Huge mistake.  Monumental. The look I got would have killed a lesser woman.  She started again and off we went.  It was going great, but because her dad's VW Vivo is pretty powerful, you can ride up the hills in 2nd and almost come to a standstill and pull away in 2nd.  In the aged Henrietta Hyundai, slowing down below 30km/h requires you to change into 1st.  So as we came to the uphill on the property, with speedhump, I said (in a calm voice) .. "in my car you need to change down to 1st before you go up".  That's all I said, I swear.  The reaction was "don't tell me what to do, I know coz I ride with dad all the time".  So we remained in 2nd, and at the speedbump we stalled because Henrietta was battling to do what normal cars do.  So now we are halfway up the hill.  Stalled in a car that is not great with pullaways due to lack of power, even on a straight road.  She can pull away on hills and I know this.  It is one of the reasons we have let her only drive manual cars and only with her dad.  But now he is in P.E. and I am not.  And the Vivo is at the airport.  And the Hyundai is not.  I say "that is what I was trying to tell  you" (in a nice, soft, calm, gentle voice).  

She says:

STOP SHOUTING AT ME. 

I am confused.  If I spoke any softer I would be whispering and had spoken only 2 sentences the whole time since we started driving. 

She continues:

YOU ARE SHOUTING AND THAT DOES NOT HELP.  I WISH DAD WAS HERE, I CANNOT DRIVE WITH YOU AS YOU ARE SO IMPATIENT.  YOUR CAR IS STUPID, I REFUSE TO DRIVE FURTHER. 

Just then Nic, who is in the back, decides it would be less traumatic if he just got out and walked down to the field.  He opens the door and puts one leg out ....

WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE GOING? ..... GET BACK INTO THIS CAR .... says she the driver of whom we are now terrified. 

Nic scrambles back in, closes the door and I think he starts praying.  Around now I am wishing that some of the Tequila from Ant's 21st would now miraculously appear in my vehicle. 

I would like to point out, in my defence, that when we got to the speedbump, her stall came with braking that nearly put me through the windscreen.  I never said a word. 

And so she pulled away and we drove around and around the school (and it is a huge property), uphill (in 1st) and dowhill, and it all went very well.  Until she pulled away and went around the trees and I said ..."go around the big trees" ..... 

you know the drill ..... let us all say it together now ...

STOP SHOUTING AT ME MOM .....

sigh .... and next weekend Eug is travelling to Dbn. 

I am going to get a bottle of tequila on Friday. 

Till next time, I hope
c'est la vie xoxox