Bathing is not for sissies

So you know in the movies or the Lux advert when the woman has that deep oval bathtub, foam for days and little candles everywhere?  And she lies back, relaxed, blowing the foam into the air and thinking about her day?  Don't believe everything you see in movies and adverts.  

Jess left at least 2 dozen of those tealights around our deep oval bathtub.  When she had the candlelit foam bath the night before, she raved about it. 

Enter me. 

I ran the tub full, foam for days, lit all 2 dozen candles.  The scene was set.  I made a kickass cappuccino, got my book, told everyone not to call me, and descended on the tub.  I say descended because the lady in the advert is about a size 8.  I am not. 

It was going well for the first 5 minutes.  Ensconced under the foam I decided to put only my hands out to hold my book.  Roadblock number one.  The tealights did not produce enough light for reading.  Cancel that idea.  Back under the foam.  Let me think about my day.  

Even with my eyes closed I became aware of more intense light on my right than on my left. I ignored it.  Until I smelt something.  I opened my eyes ....... there was something resembling the burning bush 15cm away from me.  The candle was close to the little white "rope" attached to my big loofah.  The rope caught alight.  Then the loofah caught alight.  I threw enough water onto this disaster to extinguish the mini fire and ten candles in the process.  I now had a cappuccino with milk foam and bath foam in it. 

Back under the foam.  Toes resting on the opposite edge of the tub.  I started feeling intense heat on that edge of the tub.  I wriggled my toes.  It became worse.  I looked down.  My two big toes were directly above 2 of the tealights.  I have a burn blister under each toe.  I was now having decidedly less of a good time. 

I am now so paranoid that whilst lying back I will set my hair alight, that I decide to get out. I slip slightly on the bottom of the tub as I have about 9 litres of foam bath in there.  This causes the water to move back and forward and then a tsunami size wave of water splashed over the side, extinguishing all but 2 of the candles.  

Next time I rather use 2 camping lights. 

Shower anyone?

till next time
c'est la vie xxx

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