Puppet on a String

Lent has been good to me and for me this year.  The prayer happens naturally for me so more prayer and more reflection came naturally too.  The sacrifice was a mixed bag for me.  I gave up something tangible ... Facebook .... for a week before Lent already .... this was huge for me .... I felt cut off from my friends and they felt cut off from me.  I missed the socialising ... because through this I know who is healthy, who is ill, what good and what sadness happens in people's lives .... I love photos and I love seeing other people's pics so this was a big prob for me .... also not being able to post mine.  And I missed my overseas friends as we shared our lives on here.  But it got easier .... and I will be happy to be back on the 5th of April I am honest. 

However the big thing for me was what my reflection brought me .... it taught me something and it gave me the opportunity to give up some things .... and many of them pertained to me and how I run my life ... or let others run it for me. 

The biggest realisation of the pondering was how much of a puppet on a string I had let myself become in many parts of my life.  Always stressing as I tried to be what a small group of people, scattered in various parts of my life, want me to be.  Always correcting me .... too much of this ..... too much of that ...... problems with my blog, my FB, my home, my parenting, my this and my that.  And in this I realised .... they like me when they can control me .... it somehow fills a hole in their lives.  They do not treat most other people like this .... but they get me in their grip and we get on when I do what they say and when they can be pointing out my shortcomings all the time.   But when I realised this and I started thinking"if you think you can control me ... well you cannot", then they generally do not like this.  Because they make themselves feel better when I am their toy. 

So these relationships are going to be on an equal footing now.  You will be treated as an adult and I will expect you to treat me like one too.   That I am actually allowed to have an opinion and express it without you sulking, who can say when I am not happy with something, just like you do. This does not end a relationship, it strengthens it. 

Me ... I wish I had seen the strings earlier .... but then I realised I did ... but I kept quiet, because I am scared of losing people that I stand up to.  

I am not scared anymore.  If I am worth something to those concerned, you will grant me the freedom to be an equal.  If you can't .... then you don't deserve me in the first place. 

c'est la vie 
xxx