the Deacon, the pause and God's timing

Today I had a wonderful long discussion at work with a colleague.  He is a Deacon but also has grown into a really thoughtful friend.  I did my Lifeline Counselling Course along with him and so through some very personal sharing and much counselling role-playing I got to know him a lot better. I have worked with him for a couple of years now and today again I realised the great gentleness with which he approaches others - do not think the word arrogant can ever ever ever be mentioned in the same line as his name.  He reminds me of the gentle lapping of a wave .... gentle and steady.   His wife is part of the Lifeline team and is often in the office as well and they are as well suited as cappuccinos are to almond biscotti :) 

He and I got into a discussion this morning about the mysterious ways in which God works, and how things always work in His time.  This is something that my friends know I say at least twice a week ... all in His time.  Something that occurred on Sunday had a knock-on effect on something else and so on and so on ... but the starting event set a chain reaction of good things going and a number of things fell personally into place for the Deacon, and then indirectly for me.  We laughed heartily at the fact that something that was so jumbled earlier in the week had all fallen together like a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle. I have thought about this timing often since my accident because I know had the impact been 30 cm further back the story might not have had such a great ending for me.  I often wonder, what if I had paid the parking quicker, what if I had not stopped to look for something in my bag, what if the shop attendant had not been so slow .... I would have been there 30 seconds later ..... or earlier.  How different things would have been. 

Today was a fantastic day.  It had all the P's in ...... peaceful, phones, parishioners and plenty (to do) .. the atmosphere was light and much laughter flowed between the two offices where he and I work.  In addition 3 different people came to visit me for 3 different reasons.  Two of them are close to me and their pop in left me beaming ... the other is a wonderful young lady I met last year who came for a chat.  All such special blessings.  All interested, interesting, caring and warm.  Much like my BFF. I wondered again about God's timing.  If I had not taken this job when I did, 90 % of these people and I would just be acquaintances.  But due to His timing, we have found a wonderful bond tied for a variety of reasons.  And my life has intermingled with hundreds of people over the past couple of years. 

I bumped into a lady yesterday who lost her daughter in an accident last year.  She was there with her granddaughter.  They stayed and chatted with me in the Repository and the little girl told me a few things.  It made me quite tearful, as it did her granny as well. The lady squeezed my hand and thanked me for my patience in something we are working on together and told me that I was where I should be in life. Again I marveled - I am not in a work space that I ever in my life imagined I would be in .... but once again in His time a meeting led to a job which led to my current position ..... I wish it had not taken so long to arrive in my life.  But He chose the time. And His timing has giving me so many many amazing and sometimes challenging people to work with.  A blessing indeed. 

When I had my miscarriage 19 years ago, I was heartbroken ..... but then there would not have been a Nic ..... so again God led me on the path.  And there are many other examples. 

I spend a lot of time thinking about the Year of Mercy that we are travelling on.  I read every bit of literature I can get my hands on to see what Pope Francis tells us about this, suggests to us as a way to live our lives in a way that demonstrates this.  It seems to have had quite a profound effect on me. 

I look too at life.  The arrogance, the hardness, the sarcasm, the better-than-you attitudes .... and then I see people of gentleness, kindness, love, interest, caring.  I hope to make this a starting point ... even more than I am trying now ...... to pause.  Before I speak.  Before I react.  Before I let one or two others know that their dismissive attitude hurts me greatly. 

I cannot change people who hurt me to prove a point.  Or hurt me with what they do or say or even what they deliberately don't say, perhaps to remind me bizarrely that I am the lesser in the relationship.  Instead I am going to pray for them from now on.  A friend who is also a counsellor asked me on Thursday when I spoke to them, "what does it say about a person who pats themselves on the back when they treat others dismissively, or in a way that suggests that you are the lesser person?"  I have decided that it says we should pray for them. 

So I will work hard on this concept of God's timing.  I will try my damnedest to live out the Year of Mercy suggestions and examples, and not just talk about them.  I will love. Because to have someone love you, the real you, is a great blessing.  I will try and live out the example that Pope Francis is giving us.  And that will be damn hard. 

And I will pause.  And pause again. 

till very soon 
c'est la vie xxx

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