raining on my parade

This has not been one of my best December months for a whole lot of reasons.  It has felt as if I walk continuously with a cloud pouring down rain right above my head, only my head, 24/7, like in a cartoon strip. And each time I think it will stop, someone else stands on the ladder next to me and starts it off again.

Between the renewing of my contract with my employer, an annual event which is stressful for me, the birthday of my recently passed away great-grandmother (which hurt like hell), my coming to terms with a great deal of changes in my life this year, my daughter finishing school and standing on the brink of her 19th birthday and new study direction and a past month which seems to me was surprisingly filled with people, mostly kindly, suggesting  how to "better myself", or in one case even the brashness of someone unknowing saying that I was not at all suitable for one of the roles I perform as a person, in my personal life ...... a comment that hurt as if someone had punched me in the throat.  It fills my mind every day sunrise to sunset ...... because it is true?  No, because it is so far from the truth that it is actually ludicrous, yet I took it, in all its unfairness, to heart.  Because that is an area of weakness of mine ...... taking stuff to heart.  It is on my Resolution list for 2014.  I need a slightly more "stuff you attitude".  I put it on the list, not sure I will be able to do it though.

So the fact that it is raining is not great.  The fact that it will probably rain tomorrow and the next day is not great.  I normally love the rain ..... an opportunity to sit quietly and work in serene circumstances, come home, climb under a blanket and read.  Right now, the rain is not conducive ......

So next year?  Next year I intend to start with a change in my perceptions ..... about myself but also about some others as well.  I am stronger than I think.  There will not be room in my life for doomsayers, unappreciation and those that punch in the throat.  I will be hitting the delete button.

c'est la vie I say, c'est la vie


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